This is the final instalment of my mid-year reflection, a list of additional intentions and a list of things I’m looking forward to for the second half of 2022. If you missed them, part one was a general reflection on how 2022 is going so far (sadly not very well) and what my next steps are to try to address this; and part two was a report back on some of the intentions I set for 2022.
First, my additional intentions. These all stem from posts I’ve written during the first half of the year.
START
These intentions come from my recent posts Mid-Year Reflection Part One and Patterns. If you want more context around this list, then head to these posts.
- Actually prioritising my health at work (as opposed to being driven by what I ‘should’ be doing and my fears about how other people perceive me) – this means working from home whenever I don’t feel up to going into the office; taking a sick day when I’m not well enough to work (instead of working from home on these days); calling it a day if I start to feel unwell, whether at home or in the office.
- Developing guidelines around symptoms and work – to realise to the first intention, I need to take some time to think through and define where the lines are for me: what type and level of symptoms is it acceptable for me to work while experiencing; what type and level of symptoms mean I need to take a sick day; what type and level of symptoms need to develop for me to call it a day. I need to think this through for two key reasons. One, the nature of chronic illness is that it’s ever present, just to varying extents, so it can be hard to make judgments about whether the type and level of symptoms you’re experiencing is a type and level you can experience and go into the office, or whether they’re such that you need to work from home, or whether they’re such that you need to have a sick day, because there are no clear lines between any of these things. Two, I have a tendency to minimise and dismiss my symptoms and/or to talk myself into going into the office or working despite my symptoms (sure, you don’t feel well, but there’s that important meeting or document to review or whatever the case may be) instead of actually responding to them. I need some way of assessing my symptoms slightly more objectively than I do currently. Some guidelines will probably help.
- Taking anti-depressants again – I have already started this one and am hoping it will go some way towards helping me to manage:
- my anxiety around my health and whether I’ll be able to do what I need/want to do and the overthinking that can go along with this; and/or
- the deep sadness and sense of the futility of my efforts, of my life, that can creep in when things are challenging.
- Seeing a chronic fatigue/fibromyalgia specialist and a pain management specialist in nipaluna/Hobart – hopefully this will go some way to helping me better manage my illness.
- Wearing my glasses more – now that I have an upgraded pair of glasses (with a blue light filter and slightly boosted prescription), I want to wear them more to protect and support my eyes to do their job and hopefully reduce the number and/or severity of the headaches and migraines I experience.
- Talking about it more – having moved to four day work weeks, I felt the need to spin a positive, hopeful narrative about my health because the move was supposed to improve my health. At this stage, the reality is that my health remains poor and I want to start (and have already started) being more honest about that with the people around me.
- Developing guidelines around how I spend my days off and work nights – to reduce the extent to which I tie myself in knots trying to decide whether I’m better off going out or staying in on my days off and work nights (and therefore reduce the amount of energy I expend on this), my psychologist and I are working on some guidelines which will help me to make these decisions.
KEEP
I already had a very long list of things I was keeping at the start of 2022, but I have more things to add. These resolutions stem from my posts from earlier in the year: Reinvigorated Practices – Reflections On Retreat and New Practices – Reflections On Retreat. If you want more context around this list, then head to these posts.
- Harmonising
- Eating outside whenever the weather allows
- Using yoga nidra meditation to focus and calm my mind
- Focusing on enjoying cooking and experimenting with new recipes and ingredients
- Swimming in cold Tasmanian water (when the weather once more becomes more conducive to this, I’m not as brave as those winter ocean swimmers, or not yet!)
- Getting comfortable with the night through camping and other forms of safe exposure to the night (again, when the weather becomes more conductive to this)
- Allowing the spaces between asanas (yoga poses)
- Doing the sound meditation I learnt on retreat in the mornings
- Paying attention to ritual
Now to things to look forward to.
A lot of the things I listed as things I was looking forward to at the beginning of 2022 have already happened. Highlights have been:
- My brother and sister-in-law’s wedding and catch-ups with friends I had during this trip to Naarm/Melbourne
- Sound & Silence retreat
- Camping trip to lunawanna alonnah / Bruny Island
Having things to look forward to is really important for me in the context of the relentlessness of chronic illness. So, here are some of the things I am looking forward to for the second half of 2022:
- Attending two Festival of Voices singing workshops (one of these has already occurred)
- My brother and sister-in-law’s joint birthday celebration
- Some time off and a trip to Naarm/Melbourne
- Celebrating my birthday
- Hopefully hosting book club in my own home for the first time
- Monthly book clubs
- Doing a multi-day hike and/or going camping again (if I am up to it health-wise) – I’m thinking I might do the camping version of Three Capes Track or I could head up to Walls of Jerusalem, there are many options
- Going on new hikes and revisiting favourites
- Hopefully having more friends and family from interstate visit and stay with me in lutruwita/Tasmania (if I am up to it health-wise and they are willing and able to come!)
- Two more terms of yoga classes at Hara
- Continuing to practise yoga in my beautiful at home yoga space
- Growing ever more of what I eat in my own garden
- Hopefully watching all of my fruit trees burst into life in spring (I’m not expecting fruit but just hoping for evidence that they are settling in and growing)
- Experimenting with more new ingredients and recipes in the kitchen
- Continuing to teach myself macrame (so far I’ve made one plant pot hanger)
- Seeing my family and celebrating at Christmas time
That’s it for my mid-year reflection.
Love, hope and peace from Emma.
Love Hope Peace 