Credit Where It’s Due

I’ll start with a haiku for my body (my body is the you of the haiku).

Credit where it’s due
I have asked a lot of you
I should be proud, too.

In thinking about my health struggles so far this year, I’ve largely been framing what’s going on as a case of my body rebelling, letting me down, not performing as well as it ‘should’. But then, on Friday after work, I for some reason decided to write a list of just some of the key things I have asked of my body so far this year. Suddenly, it became clear to me that I haven’t been giving my body credit where it’s due.

The year so far has, in fact, been quite a lot. And as I came into it in a struggling body, I’m not really sure why I expected my body to perform in a way that would, in hindsight, have been something of a miracle. It also shouldn’t be surprising to me that the combination of a struggling body and a lot on my plate has led me to feel pretty consistently stressed so far in 2024. This of course doesn’t help with how my body feels… it’s a vicious cycle.

Here are the main components of my year so far.

Adopting Willow

I love her, but it’s also been more difficult than I expected having her in my life.

• Changes to daily and weekly rhythms, additional labour – of the things in this list, this was the one thing I actually did expect, however I made the decision to get her when I felt I had the energy and capacity to absorb these changes and additional labour. My health has not been the best the entire time I’ve had her, meaning the changes to my rhythms and additional labour required have been quite challenging at times. Then, in addition, there have been the following items in this list.
• Two veterinary procedures – I’ve only had the girl three and a bit months, but already she’s needed two veterinary procedures which have meant several vet visits (going in pre- and post-op in addition to going in for the procedures), monitoring her post-procedures to check she’s healing, adding medication into our daily rhythms etc.
• Ouchy foot– despite one of the procedures being to remedy this, Willow has had persistent issues with one of her feet leading to intermittent lameness and a need to only take her for walks on soft surfaces (ie grass).
• Wee wees – I’m unfortunately having increasing issues with Willow weeing inside when I’m out which creates a lot of clean-up work. It also means I feel worried whenever I’m out what I’ll return home to and makes me wonder whether I’m doing something wrong. Possible causes and solutions are still under investigation.

Work

None of the things in the list below are negatives in and of themselves, but they’ve combined to give work a reasonable level of intensity so far this year.

• Supervising a new graduate – this started in February, which meant I had a new person to prepare for, induct, get to know and generally support. As enjoyable at it has been having this grad on board, it’s also taken effort on my part.
• Leading a recruitment process – this has been ongoing over the year so far and it’s the first time I’ve led a recruitment process. This means the whole thing has been a learning experience and learning experiences are always more draining than simply doing the familiar. Leading the process has included getting the Statement of Duties for the job approved and the job listed, forming a panel, organising a scribe, shortlisting applications, organising interviews, chairing interviews, leading panel deliberations, completing referee checks and finalising the selection report.
• New colleagues – the people themselves are not the issue here, they are all lovely, but in hindsight it’s clear that the presence of new people, who I knew would be forming assessments of me as they settled in, made me feel like I needed to be at the top of my work game – present in the office on all scheduled days, super responsive and onto everything and so on, even if wasn’t really well enough to be those things.
• State election and senior staff movements – both of these have created a generalised uncertainty at work and thrown spanners in the works for some of the things I work on.

Board

Board-related things have kept me pretty busy and, unfortunately, quite stressed at times over the year so far. I put my hand up for additional responsibilities such as Vice President and two Sub-Committees based on an assumption my health would be similar to how it was last year. Since that’s not how my health has turned out so far this year, it’s been tricky juggling all these responsibilities in addition to my paid work, Willow etc.

• New CEO – our new CEO started at the start of the year, which has been exciting, but has also meant additional meetings, correspondence and, unfortunately, stress as the transition occurred.
• Secretary – I have continued as Secretary, meaning I am responsible for meeting minutes and the actions register, so I always have a task to do after meetings.
• Vice President – I am now also one of two Vice Presidents, meaning I am sometimes called on by the President for advice.
• Two Sub-Committees – being on these bodies means additional meetings, correspondence and documents to review.
• Radio interview – I did a radio interview for ABC RN’s Life Matters program in January which I spent quite a bit of energy preparing for.
• Governance training – I am doing a governance training course which started in March and continues until the end of April.

Two trips away

Both these trips were in many ways lovely and much needed, but they also put their share of strain on my body.

• Hiking trip to wukaluwikiwayna/Maria Island – this was wonderful, see my March Favourites for more, but I did hike 54 kilometres in four days and 23 of those kilometres were with an over 10 kilogram pack.
• Family and friends trip to Naarm/Melbourne – this was also wonderful but I did work from home some days while I was there and caught up with friends most days which meant it didn’t provide as much downtime as perhaps I needed.

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I’ve already written about how over the past few months of struggling with my health, I managed to drift away from acceptance back into a resisting and denying mindset. I think it’s this mindset that has caused me to be blind to the reality that, actually, I’ve asked a lot of my body this year and, for the most part, it has done what I’ve asked of it. Sure, it’s been a struggle and there’s been fatigue and pain, but that’s entirely consistent with what I’d expect by combining the list I’ve just shared with flaring fibro. I just hadn’t realised it.

It’s an interesting reframe to see my body as performing not failing. It’s a reframe that still doesn’t feel entirely comfortable to me, but I see its logic: those lists + flaring fibro = a sore, fatigued body. Duh. I so often, so easily fall into expecting my body to be like other people’s, to be always at its peak, to respond consistently to my daily and weekly rhythms, while also knowing so many truths that make these expectations ludicrous: chronic illness is not static, in fact it’s in constant flux; I can’t control how my body responds to what I do; for there to be ups, there have to be downs. But these are hard truths to accept. Much easier to deny their veracity, to live in some dream world. But it’s actually not, because the dream world clashes violently with reality and causes so much suffering. Which brings me, inevitably, back to acceptance, again. Nothing could be less surprising.

I’ll end with the haiku I started with.

Credit where it’s due
I have asked a lot of you
I should be proud, too.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

2024 – Sustain and Gently Grow

As I was struggling with a chronic illness/disability flare up as the new year kicked off, I decided to hold off on finalising my 2024 intentions. I had thought about them in the lead up to the new year, hoping the flare up would respect calendar year boundaries and confine itself to 2023. It didn’t. With the flare up still going, I had no idea how long it would last, no idea whether the plan for a year of good health, poor health or something in between. I didn’t want to set myself up for failure by setting intentions that were going to be wrongly pitched for my health status.

Having now made it through a couple of quite normal for me weeks – four days at work both weeks, a Board meeting, some social catch ups, hikes on days off and navigating a few other stressors – a set of intentions for the year which will be achievable with okay but not absolutely amazing health seem reasonable.

When I did my 2023 Reflection, I found there was a lot that was good about it. So, in 2024, there are a lot of things I’d like retain to give 2024 a good chance of being, to quote the three words I used to describe 2023, balanced, confidence-boosting and joyful.

I know it would be a mistake for me to simply try to replicate 2023 in 2024. Already, 2024 is different in that I have started the year with a chronic illness/disability flare-up. So, replicating 2023 is not my intention at all; rather, I want to build on 2023’s learnings, successes and habits as I work towards some new things which will challenge me to continue to grow as a person. I’m not talking crazy challenges here, which would be a recipe for failure as a person with a chronic illness/disability. Instead, they’re natural extensions of and next steps from where I am already which combine elements of the familiar and comfortable with elements that are new and nudge at the edges of my comfort zone.

So, the theme I’ve come up with for 2024 is sustain and gently grow. Maintain/sustain to remind me of all the healthy habits and practices from 2023 I’d like to continue to set me up for the best year possible; gently grow to refer to the new things I’ll be doing to challenge myself but with the all-important reminder to do so gently.

I want to get to the end of 2024 and be able to reflect that:

1. I did my best to care for myself, embedding habits and practices that support my wellbeing into my daily life;
2. I embraced fun and joy wherever possible; and
3. I took on challenges and new things where appropriate and when my health allowed which then helped me to grow as a person and extend my comfort zone across a range of life domains.

In turn, I’ll take you through a list of practices I want to sustain and then a list of the things I plan to do to gently grow in 2024.

Sustain

Illness/disability

• Working on accepting my illness/disability
• Learning about my illness/disability – what works for me and what doesn’t
• Seeing the psychologist and doing the work that comes from this
• Taking my medication

Self-care practices/activities

• Hiking as much as possible
• Submerging myself in the water at the beach or in rivers/lakes whenever I can
• Practising yoga as many days as possible, including pranayama (breathwork)
• Singing daily, including harmonising and making up little tunes of my own
• Attending Om Choir weekly
• Turning off my phone by 7.45pm to give myself at least an hour and fifteen minutes of screen-free reading time
• Reading at least 100 books (a target I’ve hit the last two years), including ensuring:
  • at least 5 per cent of books are by non-binary or trans writers
  • at least 10 per cent of books are by LGBTIQA+ writers
  • at least 10 per cent of books are by First Nations Australian writers and around 25 per cent of books by Australian authors are by First Nations Australians
  • at least 5 per cent of books are translated from another language
  • at least 10 per cent of books are by disabled authors
• Using breath practices and yoga nidra meditation to focus and calm my mind for sleep

Work

• Supervising the graduate in our branch (until August)
• Working the weekly pattern that works for me (currently four day work weeks with work from home Mondays and Wednesdays off)
• Working additional days from home and using sick leave whenever I need to
• Confining work to work hours and leaving work on time as much as possible
• Being honest about my health with my manager and anyone reporting to me and advocating for what works for me
• Booking in regular recreation leave
• Mentoring and supporting graduates in the department

Advocacy/writing

• Being Secretary of A Fairer World
• Actively, intentionally promoting A Fairer World’s work
• Sharing my story as a human ‘book’ in the Hobart Human Library and with Beyond Blue, wherever opportunities allow
• Writing regularly for my blog
• Journalling regularly

Social/community

• Video calling with my parents every weekend to catch up and do the weekend crossword
• Catching up with my brother and sister-in-law every weekend we can
• Catching up with nipaluna/Hobart friends regularly
• Doing what I can to support friends who also have chronic health issues
• Attending monthly book clubs
• Staying in regular contact with close friends interstate through messages, phone and video calls
• Chatting to neighbours when we meet in the street
• Volunteering monthly on Loui’s Van

Food and waste

• Minimising waste by, among other things:
  • procuring as many of my groceries as I can without packaging
  • making pickles and ferments
  • purchasing as many of my clothes and homewares second-hand from op shops
• Using my worm farm and underground composting to process as much of my minimal household waste as possible
• Growing as much as I can in my own garden
• Growing sprouts at home
• Making my own sourdough bread
• Being a vegetarian
• Enjoying cooking and playing with new recipes and ingredients

Fun

• Exploring lutruwita/Tasmania
• Going on multi-day hikes and camping trips

Gently grow

Self-care practices/activities

• Go on a different kind of retreat (eg a silent retreat)
• Read at least ten books by Palestinian authors
• Read at least five books by Ukrainian authors (this is less than the Palestinian authors simply because of what it looks like I’ll be able to get my hands on, not because Ukraine is less important than Palestine or anything like that!)

Work

• Lead a recruitment panel for a new staff member for the first time
• Develop support materials for anyone supervising a graduate in our Branch (already commenced)
• Explore the possibility of establishing a Disability Employee Network

Advocacy/writing

• Be Vice President of the A Fairer World Board/Management Committee (already commenced)
• Be interviewed live on national radio (already complete, listen to my interview here)
• Completing the University of Tasmania’s Gamechangers in Governance training (four one hour online modules)
• Submit some writing to a competition/publication(s)

Fun

• Get a dog (Willow) (already complete)
• Go on a trip with Willow
• Experiment with making homemade dog treats for Willow
• Explore a new part of lutruwita/Tasmania (there are still several on the list)
• Try something new (eg sailing, scuba diving)

Things I am looking forward to in 2024

I started this list at the beginning of the year, so there are a few things on it which are already complete or in progress and I have noted this beside these items.

One offs (in the order they will occur)

• Welcoming my new dog Willow into my home (already complete)
• Gradually introducing Willow to family and friends (in progress)
• Welcoming a new CEO to A Fairer World and helping them to settle into the organisation and role (in progress)
• Being interviewed live on the radio about human libraries and A Fairer World’s work (already complete, interview can be found here)
• Hosting book club at my place in January (already complete)
• Attending a friend’s 30^th celebration (already complete)
• Getting to know and supervising the next graduate in our Branch (February-August) (in progress)
• Attending a friend’s baby shower and helping to welcome her bub into the world
• Visits to nipaluna/Hobart by at least a couple of friends
• Multi-day hiking trips in March and October (health permitting)
• A trip to a new part of lutruwita/Tasmania
• Celebrating Willow’s Birthday with her for the first time in March
• A trip to Naarm/Melbourne around Easter time to see family and friends
• Going on a retreat
• Going on a trip with Willow
• Helping my brother and sister-in-law to celebrate their 30^th Birthdays
• Celebrating my Birthday in some way
• Trying whatever new thing I decide to try
• Potentially hosting Christmas at my place with Willow
• Spending the new year out in nature hiking

Regular occurrences (a far from exhaustive list)

• Hikes and time in nature – listening to bird song, echidna spotting, sticking my feet in the sand, swimming in the ocean or in rivers/lakes, snorkelling
• Walks, pats and life with Willow
• Monthly book clubs
• Spending time with family and friends
• Having people over to my house
• Visiting my favourite cafes/restaurants
• Supporting (through supervising and mentoring) another year of graduates at work
• Sharing my story as a human ‘book’ in the Hobart Human Library and with Beyond Blue
• Another year of writing for my blog
• Another year of creativity in the kitchen
• Cooking with and eating produce from my garden
• Tending to my garden, growing new and different things
• All the wonderful books I will no doubt read, podcasts I will listen to, TV shows I will enjoy
• Another year of yoga
• Another year of Om Choir
• Another year in my beautiful home
• Another year in beautiful nipaluna/Hobart

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So, those are my intentions for 2024, a year to sustain and gently grow.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

2023 Favourites – Events and Food

This is the last in the 2023 favourites series. If you missed them, the other two posts are:

• 2023 Favourites – Books
• 2023 Favourites – Podcasts, TV Shows, Music

Today, we’re looking at events and food.

Events

As I looked back through my favourites posts from 2023, there were some very clear themes to my event favourites and a definite standout, which was the ‘Whale Song Dream’ retreat on Uoleva in Tonga.

I’ve written quite a bit about the trip that included the retreat and shared photos, so I won’t retell the whole experience. I do, however, want to share a short little list of highlights from the favourite, then some photos. Highlights were:

• Discovering my love of snorkelling;
• Swimming with mother and baby humpback whales;
• Hearing whale song live while in the ocean with the whales;
• Being in the water multiple times a day;
• All the amazing fish and coral and sealife that was on the reef just in the water off the retreat;
• Not wearing shoes for a whole week;
• Picking coconuts and drinking the fresh coconut water;
• Quality time with some excellent humans – deepened existing connections and made some new ones; and
• Staying somewhere with limited electricity and internet which facilitated a slower, simpler pace.

For more on this experience, refer to the following posts:

• Holiday Photo Journal Part Two – Tonga
• Holiday Reflections Part One – The Challenges
• Holiday Reflections Part Two – Some Things I Loved
• Holiday Reflections Part Three – Three Concepts
• Holiday Reflections Part Four – From The Heart

Now, to the themes. These were multi-day hiking trips, trips away not multi-day hiking, social engagements, hikes, A Fairer World-related activities and singing. I will address each in turn.

Multi-day hiking trips

• Two new year hikes (one at the end of 2022/beginning of 2023 and one at the end of 2023/beginning of 2024) on turrakana/the Tasman Peninsula – I’m not sure doing something two years in a row makes it a tradition, but I am planning to continue to go away hiking over the new year each year so in time it will become one. I really like being immersed in nature and off the grid over the new year, as it gives me time to reflect on the year that has been and turn my mind to the new year. It’s also a great time of year to multi-day hike – there’s plenty of daylight, the weather is generally quite good and there are lots of wildflowers out. Both times I spent two nights camping and three days hiking, however my day three was different on the two hikes. Here’s what the hike consisted of:
  • Day one – an approximately two hour hike overland from Fortescue Bay on the Old Cape Pillar Track to the Bare Knoll campsite. There’s then plenty of time to set up camp, have a cuppa, write, read and soak in the serenity.
  • Day two – an approximately four and a half hour hike out Cape Pillar and back with just a light day pack, leaving all my gear at camp.
  • Day three
    • 2022-23 – an approximately five-hour hike up over Mount Fortescue with all my gear then out Cape Huay with a day pack and back to Fortescue Bay with all my gear, where I finished the three days with a swim.
    • 2023-24 – day one in reverse, I simply hiked back out the Old Cape Pillar Track to Fortescue Bay.

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turrakana/Tasman Peninsula images (mix of 2022-23 and 2023-24 highlights): tree arch on the Old Cape Pillar Track, track to Cape Pillar, camp at Bare Knoll, echidna, Tasman Island from Cape Pillar, Jurassic dolerite columns on Cape Pillar, Cape Huay, curling everlasting, great sun orchid.

• Walls of Jerusalem loop hike in February – I spent two nights and three days hiking in this National Park’s spectacular scenery. I headed up the day before starting the hike to avoid having to do several hours of driving and the substantial day one climb all in one day. I drove up via the Highland Lakes Rd, stopping off at Pine Lake, hiking to Western Creek Falls and up to tulampanga/the Alum Cliffs, before arriving at my campsite for the night. Then, it was time for the Walls of Jerusalem hike itself. I had lovely weather, albeit with very cold nights (cold as in the evening drizzle on night two had turned to ice on my tent by the morning!) and my wildlife highlight was seeing an Eastern quoll. Here’s what the hike consisted of:
  • Day one – I climbed about 600m in altitude to get up onto the plateau at around 1200m above sea level, passed ‘Solomon’s Jewels’ (a series of tarns/lakes) and entered the Walls through ‘Herod’s Gate’. I made a short side trip to another tarn, the ‘Pool of Bethesda’, then continued on through ‘Damascus Gate’ to Dixon’s Kingdom campsite where I based myself for the two nights.
  • Day two – side trip day. I climbed ‘The Temple’, ‘Solomon’s Throne’ and ‘Mount Jerusalem’, all with a light day pack having left my gear at camp. ‘The Temple’ and ‘Solomon’s Throne’ were in one direction from camp, ‘Mount Jerusalem’ in the other, so having done the first two I was able to stop off at camp for a cuppa and a stretch before climbing my final peak of the day.
  • Day three – having packed up, I walked out via Lake Ball, the northern tip of Lake Adelaide and the Junction Lake Track which took me along the outside of the West Wall, through fields of cushion plants and many more tarns, before joining back to complete the steep descent back to the car.

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Walls of Jerusalem (and the journey there) images: Pine Lake, Western Creek Falls, tulampanga/the Alum Cliffs, view towards Damascus Gate from inside the Walls, view to King David’s Peak and Lake Salome from the Temple, view down to the valley through the cleft in Solomon’s Throne, another view of King David’s Peak and Lake Salome (from Solomon’s Throne), hairy mountain daisy, snow cushion plants, tarn on the track to Mount Jerusalem, view from Mount Jerusalem, Lake Ball.

• Freycinet Peninsula Circuit in October – this was a 30.5km two night, three day hike which took me down the western side of the Peninsula on day one; up across the Peninsula on day two, including a climb to its highest point (Mount Freycinet at 620m above sea level); and a shorter jaunt back to the car on day three via the famous Wineglass Bay. I swam three times over the course of my three days and relished the time alone to take in the beauty of the beaches, peaks, wildflowers, birds and rock formations that make this such a magical spot.

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Freycinet Peninsula circuit images: Mount Graham and Mount Freycinet from Hazards Beach, sea star, the Hazards from Cooks Beach, a shell, a pied oystercatcher, wildflowers and sky, alpine finger orchid, the Hazards from Wineglass Bay, Wineglass Bay from the lookout.

Trips away not multi-day hiking

• Long weekend down in Huon Valley – instead of just one night in the Huon Valley when a friend got married down there, I booked into my Airbnb at Silver Creek Farm for two nights and made a little trip out of it. Saturday was the wedding, preceded by a short walk from Randalls Bay to Mickey’s Beach; Sunday was a quiet recovery day featuring a short trip into Cygnet to browse the shops where I bought some lovely second-hand clothes and local produce, then back to my accommodation to lie low; Monday was a quiet morning followed by a hike up Mount Misery and a trip to Willie Smith’s on the way back for apple pie. The place I stayed was amazing – fresh bread baked for me, eggs from the hosts’ chooks, fruit from their garden – so I had a very inviting space to do low-key activities like read, write and practise yoga in.

Huon Valley long weekend images: Randalls Bay, view to South West National Park from the track to Mount Misery.

• Trip to Kabi Kabi and Jinibara country (the Sunshine Coast) with my cousin – my cousin and I spent a wonderful week together in June. Friends were living up there for the year, which gave us the impetus for the trip. We hired a campervan and, after a couple of days with our friends, headed out on her own for hikes, time in nature, food experiences and more. To read the full account of what we did, accompanied by photos, check out my Photo Journal – Kabi Kabi and Jinibara Country (the Sunshine Coast). A few highlight photos, to give you a taste of the trip, are below.

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Sunshine Coast images: swimming in the fairy pool (Noosa Coastal Walk), colourful lichen, a large staghorn, on the Little Yabba Circuit, a Queensland red-necked pademelon, on the swing bridge to Baxter Falls, me with Baxter Falls, our campervan, a lace monitor, cool leaves, view from Mount Beerburrum to other Glasshouse Mountains, Mount Beerwah.

• The pre-Tonga retreat parts of my overseas trip in September 2023, which were my week in Aotearoa/New Zealand, which I spent hiking in the Rotorua area, Bay of Plenty and Coromandel Peninsula, driving around and staying in a campervan, and my few days in the Tongan capital Nuku’alofa before heading off on the retreat. I’ve written extensively about this trip and shared photos, so will refer you to these writings and photo journals if you want to know or see more, and share just a few photos below:
  • Holiday Photo Journal Part One – Aotearoa/New Zealand
  • Holiday Photo Journal Part Two – Tonga
  • Holiday Reflections Part One – The Challenges
  • Holiday Reflections Part Two – Some Things I Loved
  • Holiday Reflections Part Three – Three Concepts
  • Holiday Reflections Part Four – From The Heart

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Aotearoa/New Zealand images: the Blue Spring/Te Puna, Lake Tarawera through the silver ferns, Maunga Kakamarea/Rainbow Mountain, Matata Beach, Kaiate Falls, Mount Manganui from the beach, two shots from the Orakawa Coastal Walk, me at the top of the Kauaeranga Pinnacles, view from the Kauaeranga Pinnacles hike, the Cookson Kauri tree.

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Tonga pre-retreat photos: my accommodation, Nuku’alofa waterfront, Friends Cafe and Tourist Centre, handcrafts at the Langafonua Arts Centre, Tsunami Rock, Mapu’a Vaea/the Blowholes. We then headed for the eastern side where we visited and Anahulu Cave, Paepae a Tele’a/the Terraced Tombs and Maka Fa’akinanga/Ha’amonga ‘a Maui Trilithon.

Social engagements

There were many wonderful books clubs, coffees, walks, brunches, lunches, dinners or other forms of social engagements with friends and family in 2023. Notable favourites within this category were:

• Lunar New Year dinner with my brother and sister-in-law, something of an annual tradition now. I hosted 2023’s dinner where we shared the traditional Lunar New Year salad, a sweet corn and tofu soup, a red curry with tofu and mixed veg (including broccoli and scarlet runner beans from my garden) and finished with a spiced coconut rice pudding topped with strawberries and homegrown blueberries. 
• A rainy Saturday with a friend visiting from Naarm/Melbourne friend. We had brunch at my favourite café Ginger Brown, the Organ Pipes Track on kunanyi/Mount Wellington (we got quite wet), a warming cuppa at mine and a dinner at the Moonah Hotel and Cellars.
• A friend’s hen’s party in two parts. Part one was an afternoon garden party, part two was dinner and drinks followed by karaoke (I went to the garden party and dinner). I thoroughly enjoyed these celebrations, spending time with friends I see regularly at book club and elsewhere, as well as reconnecting with other people I hadn’t seen for a while. I was pleasantly surprised by how my body held up for these events.
• Taking Mum and Dad out for a joint Birthday lunch at Frogmore Creek – Mum and Dad both had significant Birthdays in February/March 2023, so to celebrate my brother, sister-in-law and I took them out for a fancy surprise lunch at Frogmore Creek. I wasn’t super well for this lunch and it took a bit out of me, but I still managed to mostly enjoy it.
• The aforementioned hen’s wedding on the March long weekend at the Port Cygnet Cannery (which has sadly, at least for the moment, closed its doors). It was a wonderful wedding which felt very true to the happy couple. It was such a privilege to be part of the occasion and an excellent excuse to spend time with friends, eat good food, dance and celebrate the good things in life. I was pretty wrecked the day after but I knew this would be the case and had no plans.
• Mother’s Day lunch at my place with Mum, my brother and sister-in-law. I made two types of bread (a herb loaf and an olive focaccia), a salad from entirely homegrown ingredients (apart from the oil, salt and pepper in the dressing) and pulled out all my homemade pickles/ferments to go with cheese (nectarine chutney, quince paste, sauerkraut). My brother and sister-in-law brought some lovely cheeses, a quiche and some Tassie apple juice to drink. It was a lovely, relaxed and delicious way to celebrate Mother’s Day, which we followed with a walk together in the lovely Autumn sunshine. I then hit a wall energy-wise, but I enjoyed the lunch itself.
• Mum and Dad’s October visit to nipaluna/Hobart – my brother and sister-in-law were away, so I sepnt some quality parent-daughter time with Mum and Dad over a weekend and a weeknight dinner. We had coffee and a hike at kriwalayti/Mount Nelson on the Saturday, a hike in Wellington Park and lunch out at Whisk & Co on the Sunday, and had dinner out at Malik in North Hobart the night before they left.
• Book club Christmas dinner – good company, good food (at Room for a Pony) and our annual book swap made this a lovely evening, though I was one day post-migraine and struggling a bit health-wise.
• Christmas and time with family in Tarntanya/Adelaide – there were walks, cups of tea and sweet treats, hot chocolates, iced chocolates, a picnic lunch, games, meals shared and a lovely relaxed Christmas day lunch.

Hikes

In addition to several mutli-day hikes and hikes on the various trips I took over the course of 2023, hikes from home, often either at Knocklofty (72 hikes) or in Wellington Park from the Lenah Valley Road access point (26 hikes), were also often highlights, especially when they involved echidna sightings or other such excitements. I wrote an Ode to Knocklofty and Wellington Park during 2023 which articulates my love for these spots.

Images: Junction Cabin in Wellington Park and kunnayi/Mount Wellington from Knocklofty.

Other places I frequented fairly regularly were kriwalayti/Mount Nelson and the Alum Cliffs Track, often before a Board-related meeting due to their proximity to the meeting location and often with a swim at the end due to their proximity to the beach.

Images: track on kriwalayti/Mount Nelson and Hinsby Beach (at one end of the Alum Cliffs Track and a lovely swimming spot).

In April over long weekends, I also managed to get out to Collins Bonnet, which is a bit more of a drive and hike, and up to the Lost World, no more of a drive but more of an endeavour energy and time-wise. The weather on Collins Bonnet was moody – low cloud hung around for the duration of my hike, but it was gorgeous seeing the forest dripping with water and there were also some remnants of snow from our second fall of the year. Up at the Lost World, the weather was better and I had good views down to nipaluna/Hobart.

Images: Collins Bonnet summit, raindrops on eucalypt, the Lost World and the view from the Lost World to nipaluna/Hobart.

A Fairer World-related activities

• First ever Board meeting – surrounded by like-minded people who share a passion for equity and inclusion and excited to commence my journey in the not-for-profit governance space, I enjoyed my first ever Board meeting in January 2023.
• Speaking at four inclusion forums as part of the Hobart Human Library  over the course of the year, two for government departments, one for college students and one community event.
• A Fairer World (AFW) AGM barbeque and farewell to our retiring Coordinator – while we had some official AGM business to get through, this was mostly a social event to farewell our retiring Coordinator. Surrounded by fellow human books and other AFW family, it was one of the most diverse rooms I’ve ever been in and I LOVED it.

Singing

• Sing for takanya/The Tarkine – held at Wild Island, this singing workshop and fundraiser for takanya/The Tarkine was run by someone whose workshops and retreats I have attended before. it was such a beautiful evening. Wild Island is a gorgeous gallery and shop, so we were surrounded by amazing photographs and art as we learnt and sang simple songs with guitar accompanying us. Towards the end, we started improvising harmonies over the songs we were singing which was so much fun and a chance to put into practice in a group setting what I am practising all the time on my own! 
• Festival of Voices workshop with Festival Statesmen – my brother, sister-in-law and I attended this workshop largely because my cousin is in the group. The set up was great, with Festies (as Festival Statesmen members are affectionately known) dotted through the attendees such that we could all hear those who knew the songs singing as we got to know them.
• A term of Om Choir of the year – I joined Om Choir in October for the last term of the year and was immediately hooked. It’s such a pleasure to sing and chant with others, learn new songs, make harmonies, share laughs and regularly see my old housemate who also attends.

Food

There were some clear ategories to my food favourites for 2023: seasonal produce, homemade preserves and ferments, home cooking and eating out.

Seasonal produce

• Fresh nectarines – the place next door has three large nectarine trees. With no one living there in 2023 following the death of my elderly neighbour, I had the immense privilege of access to A LOT of nectarines. They are the old-fashioned nectarine with green and red skin and white flesh. You can’t find them in shops because they don’t last very long off the tree and bruise easily, but they are so delicious. I ate A LOT of nectarines every day while they were fruiting, stewed several kilograms which I extracted from the freezer various points through the year to inject Summery vibes to my Winter and Spring, and also made a batch of nectarine chutney (see the preserves section for more).
• Homegrown cherry tomatoes and basil – I grew ‘black cherry’ which turn a deep red-black colour and they were fabulously flavoursome. I enjoyed them just eaten fresh or chopped up in lentil salads along with fresh basil.
• Fresh eggs and homemade bread in the Huon Valley – I felt very spoilt at the Airbnb I stayed at for a couple of nights in March 2023. On arrival, I was greeted with warm homemade bread and fresh eggs from the owners’ chooks which I proceeded to enjoy over the course of my stay.
• Golden beetroot – I purchased several bunches of golden beetroot from the Farm Gate Market in Autumn and roasted them alongside carrots and other veg. They have a glorious colour, sweet earthy flavour and were the perfect addition to many meals.
• Fresh new season golden delicious and other apples – my brother and sister-in-law scored some golden delicious apples from an Airbnb host’s tree and shared some with me. This is not an apple variety I’ve typically purchased because I thought of them as mushy and insipid. It turns out, that’s just when you buy the cold-stored ones because the fresh ones were, as the name suggests they should be, delicious. I then continued to purchase this variety from the Farm Gate Market, alongside a range of other new season apples, including heritage varieties such as Sturmer.  
• Homegrown tatsoi in stir fries and Thai curries – my tatsoi did well over Autumn and into Winter and I was able to pick several bunches which I added to stir fries and Thai red curry.
• Summer produce in Winter – going to Kabi Kabi and Jinibara country (the Sunshine Coast) in June allowed me to get a dose of Summer produce in Winter due to the different climate up there. It was such a pleasure to eat things like tomatoes, eggplant and strawberries for a week in June.
• Fresh picked coconuts – harvested by hand on Uoleva, Tonga, we got the kitchen staff to hack these open for us so we could drink the refreshing coconut water then scoop out the flesh. Having access to so many coconuts was an absolute privilege and one which we took full advantage of.
• Rockmelon – I’m sure they weren’t local, but I had a run of truly delicious rockmelons in Spring 2023. Rockmelon in commercial fruit platters and fruit salads can be insipid, but lucked out on several beautiful melons with vibrant orange, succulent, fragrant flesh which I thoroughly enjoyed!
• Fresh blueberries from the garden – for the second year now, I had the immense pleasure of harvesting blueberries from the backyard! They are so delicious and very satisfying to have grown myself.

Homemade preserves and ferments

• Nectarine chutney – this was one of the things I made with the glut of nectarines from my neighbour’s trees. Pretty easy to make, I diced up 1kg of nectarines into a pan, added a diced onion, spices (mustard seeds, garam masala, cinnamon, ginger, chilli flakes, bay leaves), vinegar, sugar and salt and cooked it for about 45 minutes. It was fabulous on crackers or bread, with or even without cheese. I took some to book club with some blue brie, walnuts and freshly baked sourdough and it was an absolute hit. If I have access to the nectarines again this year, I will 100 percent be making more.
• Sauerkraut – I made a couple of batches of delicious sauerkraut in 2023. Predominantly cabbage with a bit of onion thrown in for good measure, both times I flavoured the mix with fennel seeds, dried dill, pepper and some dried Tasmanian seaweed flakes, then left it to mature for about a week before storing in the fridge. It is very good with cheese on toast or as one element of a nourish bowl/plate alongside roasted veg, a grain, lentils, beetroot dip and whatever else I decide to add.
• Homemade quince paste – I harvested quinces from a wild tree in Autumn and as well as stewing some I made my first ever batch of quince paste. It is delicious with cheese of many kinds and there is still some in my fridge, I made that much!
• Homemade kimchi – as I came to the end of the jars of my first batch of sauerkraut for the year, I thought I’d give making kimchi (similar method, different flavours) a go. My kimchi was not traditional – in addition to the usual wombok (Chinese cabbage) and daikon flavoured by chilli, garlic and ginger, I also chucked in the daikon leaves, carrot, onion and capsicum. I also didn’t have the Korean chilli flakes/paste you traditionally use in kimchi the first time I made it. Nonetheless, it was delicious, a great flavour bomb to add on top of stir fries, curries and anything else that needs a bit of a boost. The second batch I made I did have some gochujang which I added to half the batch, flavouring the other half with some Sichuan peppercorns just to see how it would turn out. Both taste good. From my perspective, there is no downside to making these ferments. Yes, it takes a bit of time to chop the veg, but the process of massaging the veg to release their liquid is fun, as is watching them ferment, and they are yummy and good for my gut.

Home cooking

• Levelled up beetroot hummus – I’ve been making beetroot hummus for a while now and have written about it previously, but I made it with a new addition in March –  dried dill – which really took it to the next level flavour-wise.
• Chickpea tofu (also known as Burmese tofu) – having seen a couple of videos on Instagram of people making chickpea tofu by simply combining chickpea flour (also known as besan flour), water and seasonings, cooking on the stove until it thickens and then adding to a container to set, I thought I’d give it a go. It’s been a winner – super simple to make and super yummy to eat! Made with besan flour from the bulk foods store, it has the bonus of being a zero-waste alternative to tofu which typically comes packaged in plastic. It’s not going to completely replace traditional tofu in my diet, but it’s a great alternative for when I don’t have any tofu at home but want a protein to add to a stir fry or curry or for when I want some variety, as it can be used much as you use normal tofu.
• Late Autumn nourish bowl – a favourite combination over Autumn 2023 was brown rice, brown lentils and roasted veg (specifically, carrots and golden beetroot roasted with some cumin seeds, chilli flakes and fennel seeds), a dollop of homemade roasted beetroot hummus (heavy on the dill), a handful of home-sprouted mixed sprouts, za’atar, toasted pumpkin seeds and a spoonful of homemade sauerkraut (heavy on the dill and fennel seeds). It hit the spot every time: lots of goodness (wholegrains, protein, colourful veg, healthy fats, probiotics from the kraut) with lots of beautiful spices/herbs layered in its component parts. 
• Indian roast veg with dhal – as a slightly easier alternative to making a vegie curry, a few times I instead chunked up a range of veg (eg potato, sweet potato, pumpkin, carrot, cauliflower, onion), tossed them in Indian spices (garam masala, turmeric, cumin seeds, chilli flakes) and oil, then roasted in the oven. Served alongside a simple dhal (and rice if I haven’t included potato in my roast veg), it was another Autumn staple.
• Braised lentils – this is a very quick one to whip together and can be served in several ways. My favourite in 2023 was with toast (topped with avo, tahini, cheese or any other spread of choice) and some veg (an Autumn 2023 favourite was caramelised Brussels sprouts). To make the braised lentils, I simply sauté a finely diced onion in a bit of oil with some salt, pepper, dried thyme and minced garlic. I then deglaze with a splash of balsamic vinegar, tip in some pre-cooked brown or Puy lentils (though if you got the quantity of water right and particularly if you’d pre-soaked them, you could probably cook your lentils from scratch in this way) and cook for maybe 10 minutes until some of the lentils have started to break apart. Sometimes, depending what consistency I’m after, I’ll give the lentils a bit of a mash with a fork as well.
• Sesame noodles (a take on pad thai) – stir-fried vegies (think some combo of onion, capsicum, carrot, broccoli, cabbage and/or sprouts with plenty of garlic, chilli and ginger), crispy five-spiced tofu, rice noodles and a sesame sauce combine to make a delicious dish. The sauce is probably what seals the deal – a combination of tahini, miso paste, tamari, sweet chilli sauce or Korean gochujang and lemon or lime juice, this unctuous concoction coats everything with its deliciousness. I like feeding this to guests as I can bring the wok to the table and they can serve themselves, finishing the dish with a sprinkling of toasted sesame seeds.
• Quick eggplant and lentil ‘ragu’ – onion, garlic, a sprinkle of chilli flakes and dried oregano, chunks of eggplant, a dash of balsamic, a tin of tomatoes, Puy lentils and some chopped Kalamata olives combine into a delicious ‘ragu’ type sauce perfect with any base really.
• Tabouleh-style salad – cooked millet and Puy lentils, diced cucumber, tomato and olives, plus a healthy dash of chopped greens and herbs from the garden combine to make a simple but delish salad good on its own or combined with roasted veg, other salads etc.

Eating out

• Van Diemen’s Land Creamery leatherwood honey and pepperberry ice cream – in Summer 2023 I sampled this flavour for the first time. It’s unique and delicious!
• Willie Smith’s apple pie – this is always a winner and I managed to get down to Willie Smith’s a couple of times in 2023 to eat a slice!
• Fern Tree Tavern three cheese baked gnocchi with cauliflower and artichokes – this was a special not a standard menu item, but boy was it delicious. Pretty creamy and indulgent but perfect cozy post-hike lunch food.
• Pigeon Whole Bakers almond croissants – I didn’t even have to go to Pigeon Whole for these. Instead, we ended up with a bunch of leftover Pigeon Whole baked goods at soup van, surplus to requirements in fact, so I came home with two amazing almond croissants which I thoroughly enjoyed eating!
• Malik shared plates – this newish Middle Eastern restaurant in North Hobart does beautiful food to share – baba ghanoush with fresh pita breads, fried cauliflower, falafel with yoghurt sauce etc. Will be going back.
• Estia shared plates – this Greek restaurant in Henley Beach, Tarntanya/Adelaide does delicious food and excellent service. I went with my family over Christmas and the five of us shared a bunch of starters – dip and pita bread, croquettes, dolomades, saganaki – then Mum and I shared vegetarian moussaka with Greek salad. The only difficult thing was deciding what to order off the menu!

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That’s a wrap on my 2023 favourites posts. Again, if you missed them, you can find my book, podcast, TV show and music favourites here:

• 2023 Favourites – Books
• 2023 Favourites – Podcasts, TV Shows, Music.

2024 intentions to come!

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

2023 Intentions Review

Following on from my 2023 Reflection, this post looks at how I went against the specific intentions I set for the year. I’m not going to review the long list of ‘keep’ intentions I set for 2023, because they are established practices which largely continued without much difficulty, so the following table just takes you through the new intentions I set for the year.

Work

Intention	Commentary
Exploring the next steps for me career-wise – this is likely to mean a change of jobs sometime in 2023, but it depends on what jobs come up, what feels right for me and whether I am the successful applicant for any job(s) I do apply for.	The job which seemed like the right next step for me was advertised in March, so I applied and by May was in my new role. I’m still in the same Branch and department, but now working on different policy areas.
Preparing myself for applications and interviews by writing out good examples for the various common selection criteria and questions.	I didn’t do much preparation before the aforementioned job was advertised, so this all happened in the context of preparing my application and interview for that job.
Being a Work Health and Safety (WHS) rep.	I’ve ended up being a WHS ‘champion’ not an official rep, a role which has largely involved discussing issues with colleagues and reviewing WHS-related documents being prepared for the department (eg new working from home policy, staff wellbeing strategy). It’s been good timing to get involved in WHS at work when I’m simultaneously required to be across this stuff as a not-for-profit Board/Management Committee member.

Advocacy

Intention	Commentary
Sitting on the Board/Management Committee of A Fairer World.	This quickly became a core part of my life. A few months in, I became Secretary, which meant drafting meeting minutes and attending Executive meetings. I was also heavily involved in the process to recruit a new CEO for our organisation.
Undertaking some governance and/or leadership training.	I completed several modules of Australian Charities and Not For Profits Commission governance training in the first half of 2023.
Participating in/organising fundraising for A Fairer World.	I didn’t do a lot on this front, aside from making some personal donations to A Fairer World.
Actively, intentionally promoting A Fairer World’s work.	Over the course of the year, I’ve become quite good at finding opportunities to and comfortable speaking about our work.

Social/community

Intention	Commentary
Writing a list of people I want to catch up with each month then working my way through organising things with them.	I did this for the first few months of the year, then it dropped off. Actual catch ups didn’t drop off though, which is the more important thing.

Regular practices/activities

Intention	Commentary
Trying to make 10 per cent of what I read for the year books by disabled authors (this intention and the next were motivated by the findings of my 2022 Reading Audit).	10 per cent was exactly where I landed, so this one was a success! A couple of my favourite books for the year were also from this selection, Between Two Kingdoms: What Almost Dying Taught Me About Living by Suleika Jaouad and The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness by Meghan O’Rourke.
Seeking out more books by Australian people of colour.	25 per cent or 13 of the books I read by people of colour in 2023 were by Australian people of colour (up from 15 per cent or 5 books in 2022), so I’d say this was a success too.
Reading books and articles by people from/about the places I will visit on my overseas trip (Tonga definitely, possibly New Zealand and/or Fiji) (refer to the intention under ‘Fun’ for more on this).	I read several books by Aotearoa/New Zealand authors, a collection of works by writers from across Oceania; listened to many episodes of the Stories From The Pacific podcast; and watched a couple of Aotearoa/New Zealand-made films, so another success here!
Seeking out more books by First Nations people from other places such as the North America and New Zealand (alongside continuing to seek out First Nations Australian authors).	8 per cent of the books I read in 2023 (9 books) were by First Nations writers from countries other than Australia, compared to zero in 2022, so another success.
Establishing a new yoga class routine at a new studio now that my old studio and class are not an option.	Over the course of the year, I had a few different routines. I found a class and teacher I liked at Udara early in the year and attended those Sunday morning heated yoga classes pretty consistently until the teacher changed. When that same teacher I liked started teaching Saturday morning community classes at another studio, I attended these. When they stopped, I went back to attending Sunday morning heated yoga, but only once a fortnight or so as I didn’t vibe the teacher quite so much. In the last couple of months of the year, yoga class dropped off a bit as it often does over Summer, my yoga space being a glorious room to practice in when it’s bathed in sunshine and warmth.

Food and waste

Intention	Commentary
Underground composting.	I currently have my first underground composting experiment running in one of my raised vegie beds. I simply took a 2kg plastic yoghurt tub, once empty, drilled holes in it to allow the soil critters to circulate in and out, then filled it with organic matter and buried it. I’ll dig it up in a few months and hopefully it will simply be full of compost.

Fun

Intention

Commentary

Doing some travelling to new places outside my home state.

Big ticks for this one – I travelled to Kabi Kabi and Jinibara land (the Sunshine Coast) with my cousin in June, then to Aotearoa/New Zealand and Tonga in September. I’ve written extensively about these experiences so if you’re interested, check out: Photo Journal – Kabi Kabi and Jinibara Country (the Sunshine Coast) Holiday Photo Journal Part One – Aotearoa/New Zealand Holiday Photo Journal Part Two – Tonga Holiday Reflections Part One – The Challenges Holiday Reflections Part Two – Some Things I Loved Holiday Reflections Part Three – Three Concepts Holiday Reflections Part Four – From The Heart

Meet or beat

Intention	Commentary
My 2022 record of my whole year’s waste amounting to a one-third full kerbside landfill bin and a nearly full recycling bin.	My neighbours kindly put my bins out while I was overseas, so I can’t do a direct comparison of 2023’s bin levels to 2022’s, but I suspect I beat 2022’s record given I’ve been buying ever more from the bulk food store.
My 2022 reading diversity percentages, aside from the specific stretch goals I’ve set (see above for more).	I didn’t quite meet or beat all my 2022 percentages, but I was relatively close to those I didn’t hit and will again make these a focus in 2024.

New intentions for the second half of 2023

Intention	Commentary
Taking on my first formal supervisory role at work (supervising a graduate for six months).	I took on this role in August and the general consensus, including from the grad themself, seems to be that I’ve done a good job. I’ve also enjoyed it and it’s something I’d like to do again.
Working on boundaries.	I feel like I made some good progress on this in the second half of 2023 as I became gradually more conscious of what my boundaries are and more comfortable articulating them to others.
Working on improving my relationship with conflict/differences of opinion as a conflict-avoidant people pleaser.	I started actively working on this with my psychologist in the second half of 2023 and will continue to work with her on this in 2024.
Consuming media (TV shows, podcasts) from/about Aotearoa/New Zealand and Tonga.	Before I travelled overseas, I really prioritised listening to episodes of the ABC RN podcast Stories from the Pacific, which enabled me to learn more about the region I then travelled to.
Learning about whales (through books, podcasts, documentaries) ahead of swimming with them in Tonga.	I didn’t do a massively deep dive here but I did read Rebecca Giggs’ book Fathoms: The world in the whale and watched a David Attenborough doco.
Planning another multi-day hike for Spring/Summer.	Over the October long weekend, I did the Freycinet Peninsula Circuit, a beautiful two night, three day hike. You spend both nights camped by the beach, so there’s plenty of opportunity for swims, something I absolutely made the most of (three days, three swims!) I then spent the new year on turrakana/the Tasman Peninsula for the second year in a row. This time I just did one cape (Cape Pillar) and enjoyed two nights camped at Bare Knoll.

2023 favourites and 2024 intentions posts to come.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

2023 Reflection

After a couple of quite difficult years in 2021 and 2022, it is really lovely look back and reflect that 2023 was quite a good year. If I was to describe 2023 in three words/phrases, I’d say it was better balanced, confidence-boosting and joyful. Comparing these to the words I used to describe 2021 (intense, successful and unsettling) and 2022 (see-sawing, challenging, developing), you can instantly see a difference.

The three words/phrases of better balanced, confidence-boosting and joyful are standing in for a lot, so let me walk you through each word/phrase in turn.

Better balanced

• It finally felt like my life rhythms were working for me as I settled into the structure of work from home Monday, Tuesday in office, Wednesday off, Thursday and Friday in office, Saturday and Sunday weekend rest days.
• I felt largely on top of the day-to-day demands of my life (cooking, washing, cleaning, gardening, paying bills etc) where previously I’d felt stressed by and constantly behind on these things.
• My physical health was more stable and I had less major health ups and downs.
• I felt like I was coping much better mentally and emotionally with my life.
• I felt much more like I was truly showing up for the people in my life, whether this be family, friends, colleagues, the graduate I’m supervising, fellow Board members, fellow volunteers etc rather than feeling like I’ve got nothing to give because staying afloat personally is taking all that I have.
• Especially in the second half of the year but prior to December, I was making it through most work days without becoming unwell, getting into the office consistently for my three office days a week and juggling other demands such as those of the Board alongside.
• I was able to do lots of enjoyable things as part of my weeks and on breaks from work (see the list under ‘joyful’ for more).

Confidence-boosting

• I got the promotion I applied for at work and got really positive feedback on my application and interview.
• I was entrusted with supervising someone at work for the first time and have received positive feedback on my performance in this role, including from the person I’m supervising.
• I was asked to be a buddy/mentor the new hire in my old role based on my strong performance in that role.
• I got regular positive feedback from managers.
• My contributions to the A Fairer World Board I joined were valued.
• I was elected Secretary of the Board by my fellow Board members in the middle of the year and hence became a member of Executive.
• When our President stepped down, I was asked whether I wanted to take on this role (I didn’t, but it was a massive vote of confidence).
• I was encouraged to nominate for Vice President for 2024 (which I did).
• I safely took myself off on four solo two night, three day hikes where I carried all my gear.
• I travelled overseas on my own, to Aotearoa/New Zealand which was somewhat familiar and then Tonga, a country I’d never visited before.

Joyful

• I spent loads of time in nature over the course of 161 hikes, 18 nights spent camping, either in a van or tent and seven nights in a Tongan fale by the beach.
• I saw 31 echidnas, one of my favourite critters.
• I lost count of how many wallabies, pademelons and other beautiful wildlife I saw.
• I made new connections at home in lutruwita/Tasmania, interstate and overseas.
• I fostered existing relationships through walks and hikes, meals together, monthly book clubs, travel and more.
• I discovered a love of snorkelling.
• I swam as much as I could and, where I couldn’t immerse myself, put my feet in the water as much as possible.
• I sang lots and joined Om Choir for a weekly injection of joy.
• I felt happy and settled in my house.
• I harvested produce from my garden, including blueberries, lemons, lots of different forms of greens, broad beans, beans and peas.
• I learned to make sauerkraut and kimchi.
• I wrote lots, both about hard things and the joyful things in life.
• I read loads of great books, a total of 108 for the year (90 fiction, 15 non-fiction, 3 poetry).
• My money anxiety dissipated and I got to a place where I just accepted that, within reason, things cost what they cost, freeing me up to just live my life.

There was undoubtedly an element of luck in 2023 being better than 2021 and 2022, but there was also a lot I did to make it a better year than the two prior. The better balanced, confidence-boosting, joyful year did not come easy. The following actions/choices/practices were important enablers:

• Choosing ‘more fun, less fear’ as my focus for the year, which set the tone for how I approached it (refer to my post 2023 – More Fun, Less Fear for more);
• Continuing my acceptance work, which meant I mostly was not fighting the reality of living with a chronic illness/disability and instead accepted this as part of my life, leading to a range of benefits I wrote about in my Acceptance Update post;
• Being on medication all year – while it’s hard to disentangle its exact effects, it has certainly helped with my sleep and this makes a massive difference to my wellbeing;
• Focusing on consistency in my night-time routine, which includes turning my phone onto flight mode by around 7.45pm, reading for at least an hour, and using breath and rotation of consciousness practices as I fall asleep (as a teenager/adult, I’ve never been able to simply lie down and fall asleep);
• Working with a new psychologist (my sixth) who has a special interest in and knowledge of working with people with chronic illness/disability;
• Hiking regularly, the benefits of this are too numerous to list here;
• Swimming at the beach frequently;
• With the help of my physio, making my yoga practice a lot more functional for my body’s needs, focusing on strength and cardiovascular fitness rather than flexibility (which I already have in spades);
• Continuing to practice yoga regularly (it featured in 338 of the year’s days);
• Developing a more nuanced understanding of energy and rest;
• Taking a more flexible approach to self-care and awareness of the potential benefits of mixing up my self-care activities;
• A greater recognition of the care work I do each day in managing my chronic illness/disability (refer to my post Self-Carer for more);
• Ensuring I made time for self-care activities such as a hike and a swim on days off where I had commitments like a Board meeting or documents to review or write;
• Making time to write lots – I published 49 posts which totalled over 100,000 words on my blog, as well as filling many journal pages;
• Writing down at least three things I’m grateful for from that day each evening;
• Singing regularly, for most of the year simply at home but in September on retreat and from October-December also as part of ‘Om Choir’;
• Getting lots of catch ups with friends and family in; and
• Understanding and setting my boundaries.

In some ways, it’s frustrating it took so much work to make 2023 a good year. But the other way of seeing this is with a sense of pride and gratitude to myself for doing the work. I’m going to go with pride and gratitude.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

December Favourites

Here we go with the last favourites for 2023!

Events

I’ve already written extensively about my experiences of December (see The Week In Review, Fibro Bodies Don’t Bounce Back, Struggle Season and False Equivalences). If you’ve read any of those posts, it won’t surprise you to read here that all the festivities in December have been simultaneously lovely and difficult. I’m going to go ahead and share them anyway, but just keep in mind that I have experienced these events, especially those further down the list towards Christmas, against a backdrop of pain and fatigue.

• A Fairer World (AFW) AGM barbeque and farewell to our retiring Coordinator – while we had some official AGM business to get through, this was mostly a social event to farewell our retiring Coordinator. Surrounded by fellow human books and other AFW family, it was one of the most diverse rooms I’ve ever been in and I LOVED it.
• End of year lunch with work friends – on a lovely Summer day after a day off hike and swim, I met friends for lunch at Machine Laundry. It was great to catch up over cool drinks and yummy food.
• Last Om Choir of the year – had all the usual pleasure of Om Choir (the singing and chanting and seeing my old housemate) plus the added pleasures of a Christmas carol competition (which, not to gloat, but I won) and dandy chai and nibbles at the end. It was also the day of a migraine, but I chose to go anyway, figuring I’d be in pain and miserable at home, in pain but slightly less miserable at choir.
• Book club Christmas dinner – good company, good food and our annual book swap made this a lovely evening, though I was one day post-migraine and still struggling health-wise. I contributed All That’s Left Unsaid by Tracey Lien to the book swap and came away with The Friend by Sigrid Nunez.
• Work Christmas lunch – I was quite unwell by this point and could have done with it finishing earlier than it did, but it was offsite and we’d been bussed there (at our own expense, I hasten to add), so I had to stay until the bus took us back. Nonetheless, I did enjoy the location (Puddleduck Vineyard), the company (though less so as people got a bit drunk and noisy (again, let me be clear, at their own expense)) and the games, including several quizzes (yes, we’re a nerdy bunch).
• Last day of work morning tea – I was barely functioning by this point, but made it to the office for the last day of work for the year, which included a morning tea. It was again nice to have a chance to socialise with colleagues and to feel the relief of having made it through to the last day of work for the year!
• Christmas and time with family in Tarntanya/Adelaide – there were walks, swims at the beach (for me), cups of tea and sweet treats, games, meals shared, time with relatives and their pets and a lovely relaxed Christmas day lunch. Even managed to see a koala at Wittunga Botanic Gardens (photo courtesy of my cousin who had a proper camera with him).

• Cape Pillar hike – over the new year, I spent two nights down on turrakana/the Tasman Peninsula hiking. This is the second year in a row I’ve done this and I think it may become something of a tradition. I really like escaping the noise of new year in the city for the relative quiet of nature. The solo hiking gives me time to reflect on the year that is ending and consider my intentions for the new year. I hiked into Bare Knoll campsite from Fortescue Bay on the 30^th, hiked out Cape Pillar and back to camp on the 31^st and hiked back to Fortescue Bay on the 1^st of Jan. I saw two echidnas, lots of yellow-tailed black cockatoos, many other birds and plenty of gorgeous wildflowers and scenery.

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Images: Camp at Bare Knoll, start of the track to Cape Pillar, impressive Jurassic dolerite columns, cliffs, Tasman Island from the Cape, forked sundew, tall yelloweye and great sun orchid.

The other major highlight, non-festive, was hanging out with and getting to know my as of Monday dog Willow. See my post Getting A Dog for more.

Self-care action

In Tarntanya/Adelaide, I stayed in an Airbnb with Mum, Dad, my brother and sister-in-law. Knowing I was going into this quite unwell, I sat down and wrote them all an email explaining what I was dealing with health-wise (most of which they were aware of, but worth spelling out in a list given it’s all invisible) and a few requests from me to make our time together work. This meant we were all on the same page before arriving, which eased my anxiety and avoided the need to navigate boundary/expectation-setting conversations in person, conversations which are tiring and which I simply didn’t feel I had the bandwidth for. We didn’t always get it right – and I include myself there – but we had a shared understanding to refer back to, which I found really useful.

Charity

Change the Record

I donate regularly to a number of charities and I thought it might be nice to highlight a few of them through my favourites posts. Change the Record was one I discovered after the failed Voice referendum when I was searching for more Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander organisations I could support. Change the Record is a First Nations-led justice coalition campaigning to end the mass incarceration of, and violence against, First Nations people in Australia. They have a range of current campaigns which include Get Kids Out of Watch Houses, Ban Spithoods, Raise the Age (which the government of my home state of lutruwita/Tasmania has just committed to doing) and Justice Reinvestment. They have a great Instagram page which you can follow and newsletter you can subscribe to stay up to date with their work and, if you have the funds, I’d encourage you to support their work financially as well.

Fiction books

The combination of being unwell plus the holidays meant I read a lot in December, so strap in for a lengthy books section.

Dark Mode by Ashley Kalagian Blunt

Having experienced something of the dark side of the internet as a teenager, protagonist Reagan has kept her life offline: no social media accounts, no internet presence, no photos. But then, gradually, she is drawn out of hiding. Her small business is in financial strife and needs an online presence, a grizzly local murder becomes something she has to know the latest about, her creepy ex-stalker looms, a love interest enters…

The scene is set for a twisty psychological thriller which exposes some of the ugliest corners of the dark web, where misogynistic men gather to find ways to terrorise women. Psychological thrillers are not usually my style but I kept seeing this book recommended and in this instance it was an excellent (though I’m not sure I’d say enjoyable) read. What I found most frightening about this novel is that the narrative is in part based on true events.

Burn by Melanie Saward

Burn tells the story of Indigenous boy then teenager, Andrew. Alternating chapters between his childhood in northern lutruwita/Tasmania and teenage years in the Meanjin/Brisbane suburb of Bracken Ridge, we see the way a lack of connection to culture and community, and inadequate support at school and home, leads Andrew down a dangerous path where he discovers that lighting little fires is the only way he can feel calm and in control of his life.

That’s fine when he’s burning sticks, but not when it escalates. It’s why he ends up in lutruwita/Tasmania’s infamous Ashley Youth Detention Centre and, upon his release, is whisked off up to Meanjin/Brisbane by his mum and her partner, ostensibly for a chance to start over. But when none of the issues that led him down that dangerous path have been resolved, and he’s been yanked away from the familiarity of home and his relationship with his father, what hope does Andrew really have?

It’s an intense, at times heartbreaking read, but does the vital work of putting a more human face to a child/teenager we could so easily cast as villain and leave it at that. Saward does leave us with a much-needed glimmer of hope in the novel’s ending, but one which we can only reasonably latch onto if as settlers we are committed to doing the work to shake up our justice system.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

I’d been hearing good things about this novel for the entire year since it came out, but I wasn’t sure it was the book for me. I knew video games were pretty central to the story and I’m not exactly a video game person. But the weight of all the recommendations got me over the line eventually and I found myself diving into the world of Sadie and Sam.

The novel takes us from when they meet as adolescents and become friends well into their adult years as business partners and collaborators at Unfair Games (the company they start with other friend Marx). Video games are what bring Sadie and Sam together initially, and they are what bring them back together time and time again, through the trials and tribulations of life.

At its core, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow is a book about friendship, but other themes are very present: creativity, disability, success, failure, love and much more. I thoroughly enjoyed it, including all the stuff about video games, which as it turns out are quite interesting!

Women and Children by Tony Birch

I just adore Birch’s writing and his latest offering did not disappoint. While Women and Children is a novel, it draws quite heavily on Birch’s own childhood and for me knowing this made it all the more potent. The main character is a young boy called Joe, who lives with his mum and older sister. He attends the local Catholic school and manages to get in trouble time and again with the strap-wielding nuns. He spends his school holidays with his grandfather Charlie and Charlie’s friend Ranji.

One evening, Joe’s Aunty Oona appears at his home, distressed, injured and in need of a place to stay. Her partner Ray is the cause of her distress and injuries, but it’s the 1960s and the options for a woman in a violent relationship are limited. Women and Children becomes the story of how the various members of Joe’s family try to navigate the violence done to one of its own. There is of course violence in this book, but it also pulses with love and warmth and tenderness. There are bad and cold men in the book, but there are also good, kind, gentle ones. It was just beautiful, though the ending wasn’t, and I demolished it within two days.

The Secret Lives of Church Ladies by Deesha Philyaw

This collection of nine short stories explores the private lives of different Black women and girls across four generations, exploring the ways in which their faith and desires intersect and conflict, and the synergies and divergences in faith and desires from one generation to another.

I particularly enjoyed the story How to make love to a physicist. An arts teacher meets a physics teacher at a STEAM conference, a two steps forward, one step back coming together ensues. It’s romantic, funny, clever… Each story was something fresh and entertaining. Many had a good dose of spice. A perfect book to dip in and out of or devour in its entirety. I started off dipping in and out, but became less measured in my approach as I found something new and exciting in each story I read! 

The Death of Vivek Oji by Akwaeke Emezi

This was a very emotionally affecting novel. I don’t often cry when I read but I shed a few tears (in the privacy of my tent while on my multi-day hike) at the end of this one. We know from the title and from the beginning of the novel that its eponymous Vivek dies; the novel is a quest to understand why and how.

The novel alternates between several perspectives – Vivek’s; Vivek’s cousin Osita, with whom there is a very strong bond; and an omniscient narrator. Gradually, through these different perspectives, we start to piece together what happened. We see Vivek in adolescence, struggling with a distant father and well-meaning but somewhat clueless mother. We see the relationship between Vivek and Osita gradually morph and deepen. We see Vivek in adulthood, with more distance from Mum and Dad, surrounded by the warm friendship of a group of young women. We see Vivek wrestle with questions of gender and sexual identity.

Non-fiction books

A Real Piece of Work by Erin Riley

A Real Piece of Work is a memoir in essays by a queer Australian social worker which explores things such as family, love, gender, identity, social justice, friendship and community. Riley’s writing is heartfelt, wise and eminently readable. I particularly enjoyed reading about Riley’s work as a social worker, their experience of obsessive compulsive disorder, the hard work they put into becoming their authentic self (a becoming that features some significant heartache) and their relationship with their partner.

The essay reflecting on their wedding to their partner is particularly affecting. The wedding is a glorious celebration of queer joy while also being a site of terrible injury as Riley’s parents fail to show up for them and their partner how they would have wished them to. Riley writes:

I had really hoped the wedding would see the blending of my worlds, for Mum and Dad to see into this life of mine… I was excited about it finally happening but sadly, they enacted their own resistance. I get it; there is safety and value and social reward in doing this, but it was and remains one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life.

Nothing to Hide: Voices of Trans and Gender-Diverse Australia by various (edited by Sam Elkin, Alex Gallagher, Yves Rees and Bobuq Sayed)

This is a really diverse collection showcasing through prose, poetry, art and short graphic works the stories of trans and gender-diverse Australians. Some works are more memoir-esque, others delve into slightly more academic concepts. There is a lot of diversity within the contributors: First Nations people, people of colour, migrants, people with disabilities and an incarcerated contributor.

Simply due to the nature of a collection like this, launching into a new voice with every story, it’s not something I felt like sitting down to devour in one go. Instead, I dipped in and out of this collection over the course of a week or two, reading or viewing one or two stories at a time. I actually think this was a better approach though, as it enabled me to sit with and reflect on what I was reading. I was particularly struck, perhaps because I have studied both areas, by the contribution from Sandy O’Sullivan, a First Nations academic who explores the intersections of gender and Indigenous studies.

Podcasts

New to me podcasts

Yarning Up: First Nations Stories with Caroline Kell

Hosted by Mbarbrum woman Caroline Kell, this podcast features conversations with First Nations people from across Australia. The recent episode with Maggie Blanden, a palawa woman from my home state of lutruwita/Tasmania, was particularly good, as Kell and Blanden unpack the impacts of the failed Voice referendum and discuss what we do next.

James and Ashley Stay at Home

Co-hosted by authors James McKenzie Watson (a nurse as well as an author) and Ashley Kalagian Blunt (author of Dark Mode, discussed earlier in this post, who happens to live with a chronic illness), this podcast features discussions and interviews with writers, artists and health professionals about writing and health. Yes, that’s right, writing and health, two of the topics which most interest me. I love it.

Episodes of existing favourites

• The Imperfects – Dr Emily – Merry Non-Enoughmas – a timely episode pre-Christmas with some helpful tips for managing this time of year.
• The Bookshelf – Best Books of 2023: What to read now, next and over Summer – I always look forward to year in review recommendation episodes. This one has some great books recommendations.
• The Tortoise – 2023 Top Ten – another great year in review recommendation episode, covering more than just books.
• Sydney Writer’s Festival – Richard Osman on the Thursday Murder Club series – a fun interview with the very clever and witty Osman.
• The Garrett – Tony Birch on working class storytelling in Australia – a lovely interview with one of my favourite authors.
• Stories From The Pacific – Rava Ray has danced with whales and given birth on the beach – an interview that took me back to my time in Tonga.
• Ten Per Cent Happier with Dan Harris – two timely releases/re-releases in the lead up to Christmas/New Year:
  • How to Set Boundaries | Nedra Glover Tawwab
  • The Anti-Diet | Evelyn Tribole
• All In The Mind – Only as good as your grades – why ‘toxic achievement culture’ can crush kids – this was soooooo relatable and fascinating.
• Maintenance Phase – December Bonus: THE 2023 GRIFTIES! – only available to Patreon supporters, this episode was a run-down of the mostly worst of wellness and weight loss in 2023.

Yoga asana

I’ve got a cross-legged breathing, stretching and twisting sequence which I often start a yoga practice with and in December, when I was fatigued and sore and struggling, this often became the extent of my practice. Given I relied on it so much in December, I thought I’d share. I start with alternate nostril-breathing, then stretch and twist through one side, swap the cross of my legs, stretch out my neck, then do the same stretching and twisting sequence through the other side. Sometimes I’ll also spend some time singing while I am cross-legged or it can be a good chance to read myself an acceptance statement (in December, Acceptance Statement – Festive Flare Up Edition was one I read to myself several times while in this space).

Food

All the Summer fruits and vegetables are now in season and heavily informing what I cook and eat. It was also the holiday period so Christmas foods and meals out also featured in December. Some favourites are:

• Fresh blueberries from the garden – as it was last year, it is an immense pleasure harvesting blueberries from the backyard!
• Quick eggplant and lentil ‘ragu’ – onion, garlic, a sprinkle of chilli flakes and dried oregano, chunks of eggplant, a dash of balsamic, a tin of tomatoes, Puy lentils and some chopped Kalamata olives combine into a delicious ‘ragu’ type sauce perfect with any base really. Recently, millet has been a go-to for me.
• Tabouleh-style salad – cooked millet and Puy lentils, diced cucumber, tomato and olives, plus a healthy dash of chopped greens and herbs from the garden.
• Christmas spread – as a vegetarian among omnivorous extended family for Christmas this year, my contributions were three salads which, combined, made for an excellent plate of food from my perspective, with no need to make a special main for myself which would have taken energy I didn’t really have in me! I made, with some assistance from family members, a herby potato salad with corn and egg, a roasted pumpkin salad with Greek feta and a roasted eggplant and lentil salad.
• Christmas treats – Mum’s Christmas pudding with custard; Mum’s festive brownie with cranberries, macadamias and white chocolate; my cousin’s partner’s gingerbread; my spiced chocolate nut crunch slice; fruit mince pies and more.
• Tarntanya/Adelaide last night dinner at Estia (Greek restaurant) in Henley Beach – Mum, Dad, my brother and sister-in-law and I shared a bunch of starters – dip and pita bread, croquettes, dolomades, saganaki – followed by, for Mum and I, a shared vegetarian moussaka with Greek salad. The service was excellent, food delicious… the only difficult thing was deciding what to order off the menu!

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2023 wrap-up favourites to come.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

September/October Favourites

Since I was away for most of September, I skipped a September Favourites post and am going to wrap up both September and October in this post.

Events

My trip away to Aotearoa/New Zealand and Tonga in September is the unsurpassed highlight of the last two months. I’ve written extensively about this trip and shared photos, so will simply refer you to these writings and photo journals if you missed them and want to know or see more:

• Holiday Photo Journal Part One – Aotearoa/New Zealand
• Holiday Photo Journal Part Two – Tonga
• Holiday Reflections Part One – The Challenges
• Holiday Reflections Part Two – Some Things I Loved
• Holiday Reflections Part Three – Three Concepts
• Holiday Reflections Part Four – From The Heart

Another highlight was my recent trip to do the Freycinet Peninsula Circuit over a long weekend. This is a 30.5km, two night, three day hike which took me down the western side of the Peninsula on day one; up across the Peninsula on day two, including a climb to its highest point (Mount Freycinet at 620m above sea level); and a shorter jaunt back to the car on day three via the famous Wineglass Bay. I swam three times over the course of my three days and relished the time alone to take in the beauty of the beaches, peaks, wildflowers, birds and rock formations that make this such a magical spot.

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Images: Mount Graham and Mount Freycinet from Hazards Beach, sea star, the Hazards from Cooks Beach, a pied oystercatcher, wildflowers and sky, alpine finger orchid, the Hazards from Wineglass Bay, a shell, Wineglass Bay from the lookout.

The parts of September and October not spent in Aotearoa/New Zealand and Tonga or off hiking have been peppered with social catch ups – coffees, lunches, dinners, phone and video calls. After getting back from my trip, Mum and Dad also made a trip down to nipaluna/Hobart in October and we spent some quality time together – coffee and hike on the Saturday, hike and lunch out on the Sunday, dinner out on the Tuesday night. There was also a delightful, combined September/October book club on a public holiday. All these events mean my cup is feeling beautifully full at the moment.  

Self-care action

Actually taking three weeks off work to go off on a trip where I immersed myself in nature was a big act of self-care. While shorter amounts of time off – a long weekend here, a week there – are beneficial, having three whole weeks off really allowed me to leave work behind in a way that I hadn’t in previous time off. This struck me as very healthy as a mechanism for preventing burnout and checking in with who I am outside the confines of work. Work was extremely busy before my trip and has remained so since getting back, so the recharge function of the trip was incredibly important.

Another self-care action I started in October is ‘Om Choir’, a little group I go to every Thursday night to chant mantras and sing. We are led by a skilled teacher who plays the kirtan or guitar, depending on what we are chanting/singing. I love singing. I sing every day alone in my house and thoroughly enjoy the singing element of retreats I’ve been on, but I haven’t had a regular dose of singing in a group in my life until now. Singing alone is great, but there’s something so magical about singing in a group, so this has been a great addition to my weekly routine.

Item

I don’t often share things in this category as I don’t find material things are generally the greatest source of joy and gratitude, but I did bring a few material things back from Tonga with me and one of these has become a firm favourite. Since my final night on Uoleva, I have been wearing a whale tail necklace. On a black cord and carved out of creamy-coloured whale bone, this necklace has served as a tangible reminder of my trip. It has helped to bring me back again and again to the confidence and positive emotions which came along with my trip every time I see it around my neck in a mirror or feel its contours with my fingers.

Music

Deep Wide Ocean by The Jezabels

Swimming in the ocean twice a day in Tonga, this song came into my mind and stuck (in a nice way). Since then, I’ve been playing The Jezabels on repeat. Deep Wide Ocean remains a favourite as it is not only a beautiful song but also now reminds me of Tonga.

Into The Ink also by The Jezabels

The other song I want to share is from an even earlier Jezabels release. It’s a long one but it builds so wonderfully and is worth all 6 minutes and 25 seconds of its play time.

Fiction books

Edenglassie by Melissa Lucashenko

I don’t buy a lot of books, tending instead to make extensive use of my local library, but Lucashenko’s latest novel was a book I just had to get my hands on as soon as I could, so I purchased a copy. I started reading it just after our dismal Voice referendum in Australia and it was every bit as good as I expected.

There are two narratives, set five generations apart, on Jagera Country in Meanjin/Brisbane, a portion of which was once known as Edenglassie, hence the novel’s title. In the 1850s, our protagonist is Mulanyin, a young Yugambeh man who has come to Jagera country to complete his initiation into manhood. There, he meets and falls in love with Nita. Having got permission from elders to marry Nita, Mulanyin plans to take her home to Yugambeh Country. But this plan is thrown into disarray as colonial unrest in Meanjin/Brisbane escalates and ensnares Mulanyin.

In the near future (2024), we meet centenarian and elder Eddie Blanket, her fiery granddaughter Winona and hospital doctor Johnny. Johnny is immediately besotted with Winona, but she doesn’t want a bar of him, taking issue with the way he handles his newly discovered Aboriginality. The generations don’t always see eye to eye either. Then, the uneasy past begins to reach its tentacles into their 2024 lives.

This novel is based on deep archival research by Lucashenko so its vivid portrayal of colonial Meanjin/Brisbane is as realistic as possible. It is peppered with Jagera and Yugambeh words which we are left to translate for ourselves based on the context and this adds to the richness of the text. And while the novel tackles some very serious themes, it is also incredibly funny at times. There is something deeply generous about this novel – it is both informative and engaging, and invites us as readers to reimagine what we think we know about this country.

Black Marks on the White Page by various (edited by Witi Ihimaera and Tina Maraketi)

This is a collection of short stories or excerpts from longer works, plus some art, all by Indigenous writers and artists from Oceania. There are works by people from Australia, Aotearoa/New Zealand, several Pacific Islands (Tonga, Samoa, New Caledonia etc), Hawai’i and more.

This was a book I sought out in preparation for my trip to educate myself about the history and culture of the region I was going to travel in. While my reasons for seeking this collection out were quite serious, it was a pleasure to read. I was transported to so many different worlds, gaining little windows of insight throughout.

A Spell of Good Things by Aboyami Adebayo

Set in Nigeria just at the end of military rule, this novel traces the stories of two individuals – Wuraloa and Eniola – who exist in very different echelons of Nigerian society but whose lives come to violently intersect. Wuraola is well-educated from a relatively wealthy family and is on a trajectory to success – she’s a junior doctor and has a partner her family approves of. Then there’s Eniola, whose father has been sacked from his job as a teacher and fallen into a deep depression, leaving his family in financial precarity.

The plot thickens – Wuraola’s seemingly perfect life isn’t all it appears to be from the outside and Eniola seems to have found a way to make money, so perhaps their fortunes are turning… The novel takes a violent turn. Not for the faint-hearted, Adebayo does not try to comfort her reader with a nicely packaged happily-ever-after at the end. Instead, you’re left with a lot of unanswered questions about what will happen next, how the characters will go on.

I liked the way this novel incorporated various Nigerian customs and terms without going out of its way to explain them, forcing you to do the work yourself and interpret them from the context. In doing so and through your immersion in the novel, you learn, something I always welcome.

Hope & Glory by Jendella Benson

Glory is our protagonist, Hope is her twin sister, presumed dead. Glory has moved to Los Angeles from London and tried to ‘make it’ but, despite how it may appear on her Instagram, she has struggled with her life in LA. When her father dies suddenly, it’s a good reason to come home, ostensibly with the rationale of wanting to support her mother and two remaining siblings.

Having returned, Glory refuses to simply let things be as they are – she starts digging into her family’s story and relationships, with a particular fixation on trying to understand what happened to her twin sister Hope, something which her strict Nigerian family simply does not speak about. She also meets Julian, a man she’d known in her teens, who comes with mysteries of his own which she wants to unpick.

In her quest for answers, Glory’s actions are at times immature and self-centred, leading her to alienate those whose support and love she needs and wants most. She’s also at a juncture where she’s drifting, unsure what she wants from life and at times not particularly committed to figuring out the answer to this. This makes her quite a frustrating character to read, but at the same time I also appreciated the realism of this portrayal.

Sea of Tranquillity and Station Eleven by Emily St John Mandel

Sea of Tranquillity was our October book club book. I really enjoyed it, so I then read what is probably St John Mandel’s best-known work, Station Eleven. I’m pairing them together here because a lot of my commentary applies to both works. These are works of light sci-fi or dystopian fiction.

Sea of Tranquillity plays largely in the space of time travel and in doing so explores whether the lives its characters lead are real or a simulation. It moves from the past to the future and back again. In its version of our future, there has been a terrible pandemic and people live in colonies on the moon and in other parts of the galaxy.

Station Eleven is set within a smaller time window and is a deep dive into our world before and after a major and deadly pandemic, the ‘Georgia Flu’, which wipes out the majority of the population and brings systems we take for granted to a complete halt – post-pandemic, there is no electricity, no fuel-based transport, no global media, no police etc. It’s a world where people must fend for themselves and violence is sometimes a necessary ingredient of survival.

Neither novel is heavy on the sci-fi. For example, while time travel and non-earth colonies exist in Sea of Tranquillity, the novel is not focused on the mechanics of how these things are possible. Instead, both novels are driven by their characters experiences of the worlds in which they find themselves. Both use that eminently satisfying novelistic technique where seemingly disparate characters are introduced and their arcs gradually converge. I find this technique really engaging and it was probably a large part of why I enjoyed both novels.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

From sci-fi to historical fiction. The Underground Railroad is set in the pre-Civil War American South. It begins on a cotton plantation in Georgia, where slaves Cora and Caesar hatch a plan to escape via the Underground Railroad, a network of underground tunnels, trains and sympathetic humans who want to help. But the escape doesn’t go quite as planned – Cora kills a white boy who tries to capture her and Cora and Caesar are being hunted by slave catchers.

For a while, they eke out a precarious life in South Carolina, but then they discover that beneath the seeming benevolence of this state there is an insidious scheme to control and take advantage of the former slaves who live there. So, on they plan to travel.

Cora is the novel’s protagonist and beating heart – a woman whose courage and ingenuity drive the narrative forward. Through her, we see first-hand the horrors of slavery and racism. While I knew theoretically these things were bad (and what an understatement that is), that the pre-Civil War American South was a brutal place, it was another thing to step into Cora’s shoes through the novel and gain a stronger emotional understanding of these facts.

I should note that while a metaphorical Underground Railroad did exist historically, the physical Underground Railroad Whitehead describes in this novel is a work of imagination.

Non-fiction books

Fathoms: the world in the whale by Rebecca Giggs

Ahead of the Tongan leg of my trip away, which I knew would involve swimming with  whales, I was inspired to learn more about these amazing creatures. Fathoms explores the wonderful world of whales and the complex relationships between humans and whales across time. In its pages, Giggs consider whaling, tourism, pollution and a host of other human activities which impact whales.

Fathoms is equal parts awe-inspiring and utterly heartbreaking. It was awe-inspiring to learn that particular songs are passed from whale to whale; that whales could have a significant role to play in mitigating climate change; and that whale carcasses which sink into the oceans depths play at integral role in ocean ecosystems, feeding up to 200 different species. It waws heartbreaking to read about dead whales found full of human rubbish, one example being a whale found with a significant portion of a mattress in its stomach; to learn how susceptible whales are to pollutants such as heavy metals; and to be reminded that the brutal practice of whaling is not a thing of the past.

Podcasts

New podcast

Asian Bitches Down Under

Recommended by a book club pal, specifically the episode about Yellowface by Rebecca Kuang, this podcast is hosted sisters Helen Stenbeck and Jessie Tu (author of A Lonely Girl is a Dangerous Thing) and explores social and cultural issues from an Asian-Australian feminist perspective.

Episodes of existing favourites

• Maintenance Phase – Ozempic
• The Imperfects
  • Dan Sultan – Stopping The Bullshit
  • Tim Minchin – Lucky To Be Here
  • Taryn Brumfitt – Every Body Is Perfect
• Conversations – Stories of starting over: Charles Lomu – a Tongan-Australian man’s story
• Sydney Writer’s Festival – Colson Whitehead: Harlem Shuffle – Whitehead is such an entertaining interviewee!
• Melbourne Writers Festival – Queering the Canon
• The Book Show – Feel good fiction
• The Garret
  • Robbie Arnott at Canberra Writers Festival – live
  • Melissa Lucashenko on the past, present and Edenglassie
  • Tyson Yunkaporta on writing right and wrong
• Stories From the Pacific
  • Exiled in the Netherlands, Raki Ap dreams of going home – an interview with a West Papuan man.
  • Waso Matthews gives seasonal workers in Australia a home away from home
• On Being – Kate Bowler – On Being in a Body

Yoga asana

Malasana or garland pose

This is a pose I’ve incorporated more into my practice in the last couple of months, finding different sequences I can add it to so I can get better at moving in and out of it and feeling comfortable in it.

Food

One food highlight was definitely the fresh coconuts we picked, drank and scooped the flesh out from on Uoleva in Tonga. Having access to so many coconuts was an absolute privilege and one which we took full advantage of.

Since getting back to nipaluna/Hobart, a highlight was the dinner I shared with Mum and Dad at Malik in North Hobart. They do beautiful Middle Eastern food to share – baba ghanoush with fresh pita breads, fried cauliflower, falafel with yoghurt sauce etc.

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What a wonderful couple of months!

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

Holiday Reflections Part Four – From The Heart

Here is the fourth and final part of my reflections on my recent holiday. To catch up on what that holiday entailed, check out my Holiday Photo Journal Part One – Aotearoa/New Zealand and Holiday Photo Journal Part Two – Tonga. To catch up on the other three parts of my reflections, check out Holiday Reflections Part One – The Challenges, Holiday Reflections Part Two – Some Things I Loved and Holiday Reflections Part Three – Three Concepts. This set of reflections is themed around the heart – first the battle between heart and head, then a section on courage and, finally, a section dedicated to gratitude.

Heart and head

In our first sharing circle on the retreat, we were asked what had drawn us to the retreat and what our intention(s) were. I first heard about the retreat in March 2022 on another, closer to home retreat run by the same wonderful human being. Immediately, I was drawn to the concept – yoga, singing, swimming with whales on a little tropical island, potentially in the company of friends from that March 2022 retreat… it sounded pretty incredible to me. In my heart, I knew I wanted to go.

But then, the longer I had to sit with the idea, the more my heartfelt yes started to get drowned out by all the doubts and fears. Could I justify the cost? Would it be worth the cost? Could I justify the carbon emissions of flying there? Would I be well enough to travel? Would travelling make me more unwell? How would I find the time and energy to plan and organise myself for such a trip? What diseases could I get in Tonga? Would it be safe? Would I be able to take time off work? Would I be okay swimming in deep water? Would I get along with the other retreat participants? Would the friends who sounded keen on the retreat actually follow through and go? I could go on but you get the picture.

With all these doubts and fears circling in my mind, that immediate heartfelt yes was in danger of being drowned out. Knowing that my head tends to walk all over my heart, I had the wisdom to start testing the idea of me going on this retreat with friends. This was a way of getting a bit of a sense check on my heartfelt yes and all my doubts and fears.

Every single friend I mentioned the retreat to had the same, simple reaction – do it! Now, my friends are, in my opinion, some of the wisest, kindest, most wonderful human beings and have my best interests at heart, so the fact they were unanimous in their support of me going on this retreat held significant weight for me and helped to tip me back towards my heartfelt yes. Every time the doubts and fears tried to get their hooks into me, reminding myself of the collective wisdom of my friends helped me not to get caught hook, line and sinker. Instead, I was able to take what was useful from the doubts and fears, because often they did speak to important practical considerations for planning my trip, then come back to the heartfelt yes.

Allowing my heart to lead me on something of this magnitude was a new experience for me. My whole adult life has been governed largely by my head. I am probably predisposed to operate this way, but I think my chronic illness/disability has played a significant role in making this my modus operandi. It’s hard to lead from the heart when there is so much your body forces you to plan for and manage. The trip was an important chance to play with a more heart-led approach.

The Cookson Kauri tree, Kauaeranga Forest, Aotearoa/New Zealand

Courage

The word courage holds within its etymology the French for heart, cœur. Allowing my heart to lead me in saying yes to the trip, in my planning for the trip and in my activities on the trip often required courage. My heart said yes to many things, but my head had a million reasons why the answer should be no. Overriding these reasons often pushed me outside my comfort zone.

Where possible, I demanded courage of myself by degrees, gradually pressing against the edges of my comfort zone. This was a key principle in planning the trip. A couple of examples:

1. I hadn’t been on an overseas trip for quite a while and I knew Tonga would be quite different to anywhere I’d been before, so I booked to go to Aotearoa/New Zealand first. I’d be starting my first overseas trip in several years going to a place I’d been before, and which was more similar to Australia, instead of travelling straight to a place which felt more daunting.
2. Earlier this year in June, I’d been on a successful campervan holiday with my cousin. So, for the Aotearoa/New Zealand leg of my trip, I booked myself a campervan which I would travel in solo. I’d done it with a friend in Australia, now I was going to do it solo in a different country.

I applied the same principle of gradually pressing against the edges of my comfort zone once I was on the trip too. For example, I built my confidence snorkelling in the shallow water over the reef, then pushed out further over the edge of the reef to swim in deeper water, then, and admittedly this still felt like quite a leap, dropped myself off the edge of a boat into the middle of the deep ocean. Sometimes though, I just had to bite the bullet and do something. There wasn’t really a good way to build up to climbing onto a friend’s shoulders to pick coconuts, I just had to do it.

Having the courage to allow my heart to lead me resulted in some pretty awesome experiences which expanded my confidence, comfort zone and sense of what is possible for me. The trip has given me some strong evidence that following my heart a little more is not only safe but likely to be very good for me, and provided great motivation to continue to do so.

Climbing on a friend’s shoulders to pick coconuts, Uoleva, Tonga

Gratitude

As I finish reflecting on my trip, what strikes me is how much I have to be grateful for. Firstly, I am grateful I had the courage to allow my heart, and the collective wisdom of my friends, to lead me in saying yes to the trip. I am grateful I spent the money, took the time off work and allowed myself to do something which felt, if I’m honest, quite selfish, because what it’s given me has been enormous.

I am grateful for the strong connections I made with good, interesting people in both Aotearoa/New Zealand and Tonga. These connections showed me that whether you’re at home or in a new place, if you come armed with curiosity, kindness, and a willingness to ask questions and actively listen to the answers, beautiful connections, whether fleeting or lasting, are likely to follow.

I am grateful for all the time I spent held in the arms of the ocean, connecting back to my water baby roots. I am grateful to have discovered snorkelling, for the whole new world of ocean, coral, seaweed and a plethora of sea life in all its various forms, shapes, sizes and colours which it opened up to me. I am grateful to have realised how much I enjoy being on boats, relishing the water from above.

I am grateful to have spent time becoming a wilder version of myself; for the reminder that it is when I am disconnected from technology and electricity, sleeping and waking with the birds and sun, directly in contact with the earth through my feet and immersing myself in natural bodies of water that I feel my most authentic. I am grateful to have realised that the adjective adventurous can and does apply to me, against my internalised ableism and preconceptions of what an adventurous person looks like. I am grateful for the ways in which my health ecosystem is, as well as being fragile, quite robust; for the simple fact that I was able to go on the trip and, for the most part, enjoy what it had to offer.

I am grateful to have come home with an absolute wealth of wonderful experiences, memories and connections. I am grateful for the stories, photos and souvenirs I came home with which continue to generate wide smiles and a warm glow within whenever I recount, look at or otherwise engage with them. Finally, I am grateful for the future possibilities this trip has helped to open up to me. So much more feels possible now than it did before this trip. An obvious thing which feels more possible is more overseas travel, but there are many other things besides this which have entered the realm of the possible thanks to the trip – further solo campervanning, snorkelling, ocean swimming, getting out on boats, trying new activities which feel a bit daunting but also excite me, allowing my heart to take the lead in my life a little more.

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Gratitude seems a perfect note to end this series of holiday reflections posts on. I’m also conscious that I’ve banged on about my holiday for about 8,000 words, which is probably more than enough! If you’ve made it this far with me on my reflective journey, thank you. I hope you have enjoyed reading along with me.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

Holiday Reflections Part Three – Three Concepts

Here is part three of my reflections on my recent holiday. To catch up on what that holiday entailed, check out my Holiday Photo Journal Part One – Aotearoa/New Zealand and Holiday Photo Journal Part Two – Tonga. To catch up on parts one of my reflections, check out Holiday Reflections Part One – The Challenges and Holiday Reflections Part Two – Some Things I Loved. This set of reflections looks at three concepts. There is a fourth part of my reflections to come.

Wilder

Over the course of my trip, all the time spent in nature and without many of the accoutrements of my daily life (think laptop, showers, internet connection) meant I gradually became a wilder version of myself. This was something I was very ready to lean into – I love my time in nature and a pared back existence. I reached a familiar level of wild in Aotearoa/New Zealand. Then, on the retreat on Uoleva, it was jacked up a few notches.

I didn’t have substantial lighting in either the campervan or in the accommodation on retreat, nor did I have especially effective ways of blocking out natural light. This meant the sun and birds governed my waking and sleeping hours – I stirred as the birds started calling, got up with the sun and was typically in bed not long after the last light faded from the evening sky.

In Aotearoa/New Zealand in my campervan, I slept enclosed from but very close to nature every night, moving from the shores of Lake Okareka to sandhills right by Matata Beach to a tiny point of land poking out into the Tauranga Harbour to the banks of the Kauaeranga River. At night I could hear the natural world just outside: the rain on my roof, the wind in the trees, the odd call of a bird, the lapping of the ocean or flow of a river.

Then, on Uoleva, the division between me and nature dissolved further. There were no walls enclosing me when I slept, all that separated me from the outside was a mosquito net. The wind in the palm trees and the breaking of waves on the beach were the soundtrack of my nights; the breeze caressed my skin as I slept.

In Aotearoa/New Zealand, I was constantly grounding through my feet as I hiked, my boots in contact with natural surfaces – soil, sand, mud, rock, wood. At least once a day, I took my shoes off and grounded directly through my feet. I thrust my feet and legs into the ocean, lakes, rivers and streams, and felt the grass between my toes as I practised yoga at various campsites. Those foot and leg dips were often the closest I got to a shower, something which didn’t bother me in the slightest.  

Then, on the retreat, having taken my shoes off to disembark the boat to Uoleva into the shallow water on the beach, I simply didn’t put them back on again. I didn’t wear shoes for a whole week (they’re not needed nor are they practical on a sandy island), so I was constantly in contact with the earth through the soles of my feet. Swimming at least twice daily, I was also immersed regularly in water. I allowed the salt from the ocean to dry on my skin and in my hair and encrust me. I showered some days but often didn’t bother and left my hair to its salty tangles.

The more I allowed myself to be governed by, connected to, grounded in nature, the more wild and of nature I felt. The more wild and of nature I felt, the more deeply myself I felt. I was natural and wild and authentic. It was fabulous. It was also an important reminder to self of the things that make me feel this way: disconnecting from at least some of my tech; staying places where there isn’t electricity (eg camping, retreats with unpowered cabins); allowing the sun and birds to guide my waking and sleeping; taking my shoes off and making contact with the earth through my feet; immersing myself in natural bodies of water, whether that’s the ocean, a lake or a river.  

Mount Manganui, Aotearoa/New Zealand

Adventurous?

I’ve never really thought of myself as an adventurous person. In my mind, an adventurous person has travelled extensively internationally, is backed by boundless energy, is spontaneous, courageous, and is constantly talking about the plans for their next adventure. They also don’t have a chronic illness/disability. This isn’t me, what with my handful of countries visited, limited energy, need to plan and strategise, tendency to be driven by fear, interest in all sorts of topics of conversation and, of course, my illness/disability.

In my mind, nothing I’d done in my life really qualified as adventurous. Sure, I went on a school exchange to France as an eighteen-year-old, but so did many of my peers. And while I went on this trip, I didn’t really thrive on exchange. Instead, I mostly felt trapped, lonely and misunderstood, feelings I put down, at least in part, to a lack of adventurous spirit.

Then, many of the adventurous things others around me did as young adults, such as backpacking trips or a university semester overseas, were not things that felt accessible to me. Managing my chronic illness/disability in the familiarity of home was hard enough and not something I was confident I could do in a foreign place.

I know that I’ve become more adventurous over time and am clearly more adventurous than people whose ideal weekend or holiday is sitting at home on the couch watching television, in the comfort of a spiffy hotel or some such. I now regularly venture out on and thoroughly enjoy camping trips and multi-day hikes, often alone. But in the Tasmanian context, this isn’t particularly remarkable. Friends, colleagues and many other Tasmanians embark on such trips all the time. Consequently, it still hadn’t occurred to me that the label adventurous might apply to me.

Not thinking myself adventurous, it then hadn’t occurred to me that people would label my trip to Aotearoa/New Zealand and Tonga this way. But, as I shared photos and videos of my trip with friends and recounted the earlier parts of my trip to fellow retreat participants, people started to tell me how adventurous my trip was and/or how adventurous I was. Once a few people had said the same thing, it became hard to ignore. Was I actually adventurous? Apparently.

In claiming the label adventurous as something which does apply to me, I have shattered my own preconceptions of what an adventurous person looks like. Most importantly I think, I have shown myself, and perhaps others, that you can be chronically ill/disabled and adventurous, something which it seems, despite all my efforts to tackle my internalised ableism, I don’t think I believed until now.

Beach on Uoleva, Tonga

Fragile yet robust

My experience over the course of my trip was a great case study in the fact that my health is simultaneously robust yet fragile. Much like an ecosystem, my health is an incredibly complex web which has points of incredible resilience and others of devastating weakness. Sometimes, it withstands things which seem unwithstandable; others, it is tipped into chaos by one seemingly minor change.

The beginning of the trip was a classic demonstration of my health ecosystem’s fragility: one late night plus a time zone change due to a last minute flight change combining to majorly disrupt my sleep rhythm for several nights, leading to a whole barrage of physical, mental and emotional impacts. For someone without fibromyalgia, the late night and time zone change may have led them to feel a bit sub-par the following day, but following a normal sleep the following night, they then would have been pretty much back to normal. For someone without fibro, one night and the following day impacted; for me, three nights and days significantly impacted.

Getting a virus at the end of the trip was another demonstration of fragility. Despite taking more precautions than many other travellers, for example wearing an N95 mask in all airports and on all flights except for the two domestic flights in Tonga, I came home with a virus while many others did not. I’m not alone in picking a virus up in transit, I know many others who have, but I also know many people who haven’t and who seem largely impervious to picking up viruses whether when travelling or in their day-to-day lives. While I’m now over the relatively symptoms of runny nose, sore throat and cough, the fatigue I feel from the energy my body spent fighting the virus lingers. I’m not as smashed by it as I was when I had COVID-19 in November last year, but I’m also not feeling as energised as might otherwise have upon returning home from my trip.  

On the flipside of these demonstrations of fragility, there were simultaneously demonstrations over the course of my trip that my health ecosystem is quite robust in many ways. In Aotearoa/New Zealand, despite being relatively unwell for my first few days, I still managed to hike just over 76km in a single week. In Tonga, my body held up fine despite quite a different climate, different food and time spent doing activities my body isn’t accustomed to such as swimming, including in deep choppy ocean.

Within the space of three weeks, I survived eight flights, varying from quite short 30–40-minute flights to several 3-4 hour flights; two nights of getting to bed in the wee hours of the morning; and two early mornings of having to be up by around 5am. While my health was impacted by these things, I was also ultimately able to implement strategies to get back on track, ranging from taking additional medication to limiting my activities and engaging in more restful pursuits.

It’s hard to reconcile the seemingly conflicting ideas that my health is both fragile and robust. Thinking of my health as an ecosystem has helped with this, because an ecosystem is a clear example (at least for me it is) of a system where these ideas do coexist.

I am also cognisant that there are people with fibro and other chronic illnesses/disabilities who would not have fared as well as I did faced with the challenges my trip presented, their health ecosystems having different points of fragility and robustness. While I tend to focus on the points of fragility and curse the ways in which my health lets me down, and spend my energy trying to mitigate and manage risk so I can get through each hour/day/week, I rarely take stock of the other side of the equation. My ability to go on this trip was an important reminder to be grateful for the ways in which my health ecosystem is, as well as being fragile, quite robust.

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Keep an eye out for part four.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.

Holiday Reflections Part Two – Some Things I Loved

Here is part two of my reflections on my recent holiday. To catch up on what that holiday entailed, check out my Holiday Photo Journal Part One – Aotearoa/New Zealand and Holiday Photo Journal Part Two – Tonga. To catch up on part one of my reflections, check out Holiday Reflections Part One – The Challenges. This set of reflections covers connections, snorkelling and boats, three aspects of my holiday which I loved. There are more reflections to come, I keep uncovering more things as I write, so stay tuned.

Connections

On both legs of my trip, I made strong social connections. As a teenager and young adult, I was not confident in my ability to make connections with people, I think because I was not confident in myself. It was pretty hard to believe other people would like or value me when I didn’t really like or value myself. In social settings, I often got trapped in the self-doubt in my head and couldn’t be a present and authentic participant in conversation. At the same time, I think I was desperate for connection. This made a challenging mix.

Over the course of many years, my confidence has increased. I suspect some of this increase would has happened naturally as I’ve matured, but it’s also something I’ve consciously worked on. Positive reinforcement from my loved ones has also helped enormously in building my confidence and has reduced my desperation because I already have so many rich connections to draw on. I’ve also developed stronger social skills which help me to create connections. This all put me in a good place as I headed off on my trip, but it was an interesting experiment to see how it translated overseas.

In Aotearoa/New Zealand, I travelled alone, but I had several wonderful conversations with fellow friendly hikers and campers in various locations. On my last night in the country, I stayed in an Airbnb and made a strong connection with my host. We just clicked, despite an age gap of several decades. The afternoon I arrived, we shared a cuppa in the sun and had a rambling conversation about politics, work, climate change, Indigenous rights, the COVID-19 pandemic and more. The next morning, she drove me to the airport before she headed off to work. In a message after I’d departed she described me ‘a bundle of positive energy’ and ‘a true joy to host’. This is exactly what I want and try to put out into the world, so I was really pleased this was the impression I’d made.

In Tonga before heading off to the retreat, I again had several wonderful conversations with people I encountered – taxi drivers, staff and fellow guests at the Guest House I was staying at, the staff member at the Tongan National Museum on hand to answer questions when I visited – and made a strong connection with the tour guide who took me around the main island of Tongatapu. At the end of the tour, we added each other on Instagram and the following day she invited me to her daughters’ joint Birthday party, an event which sadly was scheduled for the day after I left Tonga to head home. On my last day in Tonga when I was back on the main island, I dropped in to see her at work and organised for her to transfer me to the airport for my flight out that night. We parted with a hug and a promise to keep in touch online. I also came away with one of the cookies which would be served the next day at her daughters’ Birthday party as a consolation prize for not being able to attend.

On the retreat, I deepened existing connections and grew new ones thanks to rich conversations, quality time together and the giving and receiving simple acts of service. I had conversations covering nearly every conceivable topic, from wooden boat building to religious beliefs to whale facts. I made cups of tea for friends and had them made for me; I helped to lay out the mats and cushions ahead of a meditation or asana session and sometimes arrived to find them laid out ready to go; when I got seconds at a meal, I offered some to other hungry retreat participants (there were a few of us who, for various reasons, often needed more food) and shared in their seconds when they were the ones to request more; I added simple harmonies to the three oms we chanted at the end of many sessions.

At the end of the retreat, parting with those to whom I felt close was difficult, but I knew the connections and memories would endure. As my Airbnb host in Aotearoa/New Zealand had, the other retreat participants reflected back favourable impressions of me. People said they thought I had a ‘beautiful energy’ and that they admired the way I’d leaned into all the experiences the retreat and my travels more broadly had to offer. It was nice to know I was putting positive vibes into the world.

Being a vegetarian and having to regularly ask for seconds at meals, drinking water refills and the odd snack also meant I developed connections with the staff at the retreat. In a sense, being needy was useful as it necessitated interaction. Always grateful for their efforts and willing to have a chat, I got to know a little of their lives and they mine. They got so used to me asking for seconds that by the second last night, one of them approached me to offer before I’d even got up to ask. Each member of staff did many roles: they cooked and served food, carted luggage, manned boats, caught fish, tended to the pigs and chickens, played music, danced, tidied our rooms, swept the sandy paths each morning and probably many other things besides. They were multi-talented and incredibly kind to us. At the end of the retreat, we pooled our resources as a retreat group and offered the staff a tip to say thank you for their efforts.

All these connections were important reminders that the world has many good and interesting people in it. They showed me that whether you’re at home or in a new place, if you come armed with curiosity, kindness, and a willingness to ask questions and actively listen to the answers, beautiful connections, whether fleeting or lasting, are likely to follow. What a lovely takeaway!

Suspension bridge over the Kauaeranga River

Snorkelling

I snorkelled for the first time on the retreat and immediately loved it, just as I had immediately loved yoga when I did my first class more than ten years ago. I proceeded to snorkel at least twice a day for the remainder of the retreat. In many ways, snorkelling felt like hiking, just in a different medium: I was moving my body through a nature, regulating my breathing, mindfully observing my surroundings and revelling in each new detail I noticed. I felt held by the ocean I snorkelled in, just as I feel held by the forests I hike in.

Snorkelling opened up a whole new world to me – the world of ocean, coral, seaweed and a plethora of sea life in all its various forms, shapes, sizes and colours. The reef environment on Uoleva was so novel and rich that every time I snorkelled, I saw something new: a different colour or variety of coral; a fish bigger than any I’d seen previously; a palm tree trunk lying on the sea floor, washed out in a storm; tiny fish camouflaged in the seaweed.

In the ocean at least twice daily to snorkel, I became the water baby I’d once been, before swimming became a loathsome activity prescribed by doctors as the best form of exercise for a teenager with knee injuries; and before my confidence and sense of adventure were overrun by the fear and doubt which had so driven me since becoming unwell with a chronic illness/disability. Over the past few years, I have been inching back to my water baby roots, taking more and more opportunities to go to the beach and immerse myself in the ocean. Discovering snorkelling and spending so much time in the ocean on the retreat accelerated this journey.

As we are approaching Summer here in lutruwita/Tasmania, the timing couldn’t be better. The water will be getting warmer which means soon I’ll be able to get out there with my snorkel and fins to ocean swim and/or snorkel here.

The small boat we did our first day of whale watching/swimming on

Boats

I had three small boat transfers over the course of my trip (two in Tonga, one in Aotearoa/New Zealand) and spent two full days of the retreat out on a small boat. I didn’t grow up around boats; was a bit afraid of them as a child, simply due to their unfamiliarity; and until this trip had only taken the occasional one-off boat trip, the majority of these on relatively large ferries not smaller vessels.

Hopping into boats and onto the water regularly on this trip made me realise that being on the water was something I enjoyed. As I spent more time on boats, I became more confident in my ability to balance while they moved. I was able to move around the boat more readily and explore the different vantage points accessible from different parts of the boat. I loved feeling the ocean moving beneath me and the sea breeze in my face; sticking my hands and feet out the side of the boat into the water; and the occasional shock of sea spray as the boat hit a particularly large wave.

I’m now wondering whether I need to get some slightly more regular boat action into my life. I don’t exactly know what this will look like, but there are lots of options. There seem to be a lot of people in Tasmania who sail, kayak or otherwise get out on the water, and I have friends who do so, which means there may well be ways in through people I already know. The urge to get on the water is nowhere near as strong as the urge to get in it, so the ocean swimming and snorkelling is definitely more of a priority, but I’ll also be keeping an eye and ear out for ways of getting out on the water.

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Yet more reflections to come.

Love, hope and peace from Emma.